Wtf. I see last.fm is apparently just like FB, and that my account didn't really "delete", lol. Ok......guess I'll hang out here again for the time being. Actually, I'm kind of pleasantly surprised and glad it didn't totally delete. I'm curious to see what I all listened to again, lol.

I see you were jamming the STP. I plan to as well. Like you said, I'm not really shocked, but it's still sad in a way that I can't really process yet. I see you listened to "Meatplow", and that there's no red heart next to it, haha. I really like that song. That just caught my eye, and I thought I'd say something out of curiosity, lol.

I wish me and you could do like a Freaky Friday switcheroo, to experience each other's workplace. I would love to see how you'd react to the women I work with, lmao. o. m. g.

I wonder how you'd feel at my job. I feel like I can't wear makeup, or people would think I'm weird. And I have to wear a ball cap. I seriously consider asking my boss if I can just wear a handkerchief on my head, like, olden-day style. I personally like that look more...looks more classic, compared to everyone just throwing on ballcaps and blue jeans (omg). But, I have a feeling my boss wouldn't let me (she harped on me when I word a visor ballcap one time). That really wouldn't make sense though...because the high school girls I work with have LONG ass ponytail hanging out the back of their ballcaps, whereas I always wear a bun. No fucking logic in telling me I can't wear a visor or handkerchief, when my hair is neatly in a bun? What the hell difference will a ballcap make? In fact, I think a handkerchief would be even BETTER for tying back hair. Anyways...lol...rambling...

Funnily, I know what you mean, about being moody and listening to music to exaccerbate it. Sometimes, when I feel a tinge like I could cry...I'm just kind of like "GREAT!...COOL!", anymore, since I tend to be scarily numb and dead-feeling nowdays. So...it's like when I'm feeling truly tumultuous like that...I just try to fish it out with some crushing or tear-jerking song, in hopes it will go the whole 9 yards and actually cry.

I like the semi-pompadour. Channeling ~*yer man*~, right? hehe ;) I've never seen you with that or an updo...volumed up ontop. Sometimes I get so curious how I'd look with like an olden-day barbershop classic kind of boy/man's dapper or suave kind of style...I wish I could just magically try on, like, a ducktail or 90s boy swingy style, with no permanence. I'd probably resemble my grandpa.

I see Rotten Apple and Cemetery Gates in your recent listens <33

Uhhhhhh.......dude.....your new pic?!! Fabulous & gorgeous <3 Wow. (I've never seen you without your glasses.)

Ok, good XD Thnx

I'm glad you liked my feedback all those times on your writing. I remember how much it seemed like you would never write again, and then you did. I feel very amazed and special in that you said I helped pull you out of that. I know how annoying it can be to have people "encouraging" what they perceive to be an interest or hobby that you "love". On one hand I equally "hate" a lot of the pursuits that I "love", so, yeah....I know how super, SUPER annoying that can be, even though encouraging people mean well.

That means so very much to me, that you were proud that I wrote that, and that you have seemed to like some of what I've written and shared. I know my plotlines aren't really put together, & my stuff is kind of all over the place. But I think that's another reason I'm drawn to you--because you seem to have more of a linear approach than me. Do you want me to send you that fic I got to writing this past Oct/Nov? It's really stupid, lmao, even though you say it's probably not. But it is, lolllllll. Still, I feel like sending it to you just for you to even glance at if you ever want, or just to laugh or be weirded out or roll your eyes at.

I hate the thought of art/writing/etc as a career path. It just instantly sounds confining and so committing and intimidating. Yeah, in dreamland it'd be romantic to be a rock star, etc. But, in a way I'm glad I can just "hack" away at it, like you've said. I've been trying to get back to the creative space in my being that makes me feel like I don't "have" to "accomplish" anything, at least when it comes to people encouraging me to make a "career" out of, or "focus" on one certain thing. I just want to simplify my surroundings more again, & hopefully that will help free up my imagining again.

Seriously, anytime you feel you might want to share some of the chapters of your latest fic, just send them to me. I'm really intersted. Even if you don't think they may be interesting to me, I'm sure aspects will be, and maybe I'll even get to picking out bits & sending you feedback like I did a ways back :)

I finally got over 100 pages into one of the books that I've had checked out from the library. I'm torn as to what to do, because it's hard for me to just drop reading a book that I'm this far into. However, I found myself telling myself throughout the whole beginning of this book that I would just try to make it to page 100, and see if it picks up and draws me in more. It hasn't...in fact certain things about the writing have started to annoy me, and I've been finding myself flipping ahead to see if a "good part" is coming up. It doesn't look promising...so, I'm thinking I might just close this book for the last time and return it to the library without finishing. It's too bad, cause the general idea of the plot caught my interest. It just seems like the writing is pretty...shallow & cliche. Could be better if it was more deeply thought out or described.

Let me know how you end up liking or disliking those more challenging books. I'm not in much of a mood to read more challenging stuff lately, and sometimes I wonder if I ever really will be up for it, and if not...if that is something wrong with me. I like the THOUGHT of reading "those" kinds of books sometimes. But when it comes down to actually sitting down with it and reading from one page to the next...I suppose I'll start to recognize, as time goes by, what type of book I tend to be drawn to. Honestly, like I've told you, I've never been a humongous book reader. I think I read a lot, but moreso on the internet, & therefor don't really know how "much" I actually read. Pretty soon I'm about to jump into reading a supposedly good, highly praised romance/adventure series that focuses around a romance & time travel in the Scottish Highlands and ancient ruins.

I was totally shocked when you told me James Horner recently passed away, & on top of that in a plane crash. It's just hard to process. I never would've guessed that would happen to him. But then, no tragic accidents can really be forseen. Always scares me...wondering how in the long run each person I love will pass away. But I'm trying not to dwell on that, because I...can't...allow myself to. One thing's for sure, that man created some magic music. After I read from you that he passed away, I watched a video of a live concert, with my mom, of James Horner several years ago watching a live orchestra performing his songs from Titanic. There were moments where the camera would cut to showing his face as the music was playing, and he was worked up and shedding some tears. That was good to see.

I've loved your last few profile pics you've been switching up ;P Like I said, I've been meaning to get back to you sooner. I've been checking in here like usual, but have just been distracted by trying to tackle cleaning my living space & work (but lets not speak about that bane of existence). So yeah, dude, you look "so metal" in your pics XD And your hair is looking long. And holy conoly, your hair looks flaming red <3 You look healthy :)

I've been meaning to get back to you sooner. I swear time slips away. I'm trying to simplify a lot of my stuff lately, and get back to more of a "spartan" atmosphere. I have so much "pretty to look at" junk in my room that I'm trying to decide how important it is to me. I feel like in a way it distracts me and has gotten me away from doing simple creative pursuits inside my imagination that I used to enjoy & have time for. Hopefully "cleaning house" will help to clear up more room for me to breathe & relax (and possibly create more mentally).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you're having a great day, and good time with your mom. I'm really thankful to have crossed paths with you in this world, my ~friend~--I still can't believe it sometimes...how I came across you & other people, and am still talking to you like 7 years later. I've just always loved your energy that I perceive through your words and style of speech, ever since I "met" you! Snark, but ~soul~ too <3 What more can I say...I feel like I always "talk your ear off" with ramblings; but I just want you to really know how much your spirit has meant to & affected me. I think about you a lot! This all sounds really sappy, and just shows how much I can improve on writing, lol. I value you so much as a creative friend <3 I'll stop now XD HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

But yeah, I'd say my biggest interests lately are gardening (trying to understand how plants/nature/the world works), cooking (I've actually been making a lot of un-cooked "raw" dishes lately, which include herbs & spices to make it interesting), & reading (I want to be caught up into fantasy worlds again. Feel like I'm kind of living a little TOO much in the "real" day-to-day world, lately, with work and all. Need some mental vacations to skyrocket my imagination. And then, who knows, maybe I'll get to writing again too. I'm still pretty surprised I stuck out that big writing spree this past October/November. That's the most of any fictional story I've ever written in my life. It's a pretty stupid snippet of story, but I'm still pretty proud I managed to push myself to do that.) (I credit you w/being a huge inspiration as having an interest in writing for fun.)

That's awesome that your mom is coming out there for your birthday! *wish I could visit (live) in the Pacific Northwest. That's so neat. I hope you and her have a great, special time. I always think it's sweet your bday is the day before mine ^_^ Your horoscope sign is Gemini. I'm what they call a "cusp", I guess...never knew whether I was under GeminI or Cancer. Apparently I'm under Gemini most of the time. Interesting. Anyways...I totally know how it is with the drawing taking the back burner -_- What's even worse is when there was a time period for a good portion of my life where people highly encouraged me to pursue art, cause they perceived talent in me. That just makes neglecting it even more of a guilt trip.

I'm glad you're maybe feeling more inspired to write again soon XD I'm glad you sent me your old fics in full ^_^ If you ever want to share newer stuff you've been writing, just let me know, or just email it to me whenever you feel like. I'm always curious about what kind of worlds & scenarios & characters you're creating & playing around with. I also feel like reading your stuff is like learning more about what you care about, since we don't always have time to just chit chat -_-

That's interesting...several of the "classics" you mentioned are ones that I've had my eye on checking out too. We have The Count of Monte Cristo here at home. It's always caught my eye but I've never read it. I checked out Ulysses from the library a long time ago, I think when I was still a teen. I hardly read a few words of it, though. It definitely did not draw my interest at the time, apparently, lol. Maybe it'd be different now. And Anna Karenina is on my list too :D

Glad you're reading more :D About a month ago I checked out 6 books from the library, & I'm dissappointed in myself because I only got to skimming through one of them (a book about cooking with herbs). The other 5 are novels. I managed to renew them on the library's website...very convenient. But I don't want to dissappoint myself again. Hopefully I can make it a point to read them before they're due once more. 2 of them are very light, *stupid* romance novels. The other 2 are fiction, but a little more...well, in depth & have more of a *meaningful* plot. And the 5th one is a book called "Why Does the World Exist?"...the author went around & interviewed scientists, philosophers, all sorts of ppl. I decided to check it out since it didn't appear to be preachy--just an exploring of viewpoints.

I miss talking to you more XD What have you been up to lately? What are some of your biggest interests as of late?

Well, about the only thing I know how to make so far with the herbs is mint tea, lol. I think it's really good. Plus these herbs are all have supposed health benefits.Just last night I was drinking tea made from lemon balm leaves from a plant I have, because I was reading it's supposed to be a relaxant and somewhat sedative(and help against anxiety).I've also been drinking chamomile tea to help me get tired to fall asleep.I've been drinking that from tea bags, but right now I'm in the process of sprouting some flowers so that I can harvest it myself, and make a fresh(and less expensive)version of the tea. I will probably try out the thyme I have, next, I'm thinking on same honey-glazed carrots(CARROTS.. you're probably gagging, but I love them, lol.)I would looove to have you over for dinner, once I get to the point where I actually feel confident that I know a lot of good recipes, lol.Those Asian noodles surprised me, and I've made them several times now, and my parents like them too.

Welllllllll......I'll risk sounding like a lunatic and say that, possibly, like, lucid dreaming could be a cure for the dilemma of not having time throughout the day to do all those fantasy things. But that's the exact fork in the road I'm at right now myself, too, lol. So, I'm right there w/you on trying to figure it out. All I know is that...consciously dreaming like that at night is beyond *mind-blowing*, and crazy fulfilling beyond the ability of any art form or media here. But...blahblahblah...yeaa...I sound crazy (but don't really care). I'm a total enthusiast about the mystery of and power of the mind to dream and simulate things, as you already know, lol. To me dreaming at night is like the ultimate form of simulating fantasy ideas--if only I could learn to become better at it (and get over my fear of it, despite my enthusiasm and curiosity in it).

I wonder if I will ever get to reading Lord of the Rings again. I didn't give it much of a chance the first time, so maybe I will in time. They're probably actually super good, and I'm probably missing out and will kick myself when I find out so if I do get to reading them. My oldest sister's boyfriend is a big Lord of the Rings enthusiast. He loves the books.

I know what you mean about being "disappointed" at Goodwill sometimes being a good thing. It sometimes feels good to walk out of a place without spending anything, lol. And I'm careful especially nowadays not to acquire too much junk. I mean...with shopping there, and with trying this gardening and making teas w/herbs...I'm well on my way to becoming a "cat woman", lolllll. The main thing setting me apart from that distinction is that I have always *hated* cats -_-

I try to refrain from giving people "advice" on how to draw, cause your style is your style...but if you are wondering about anything you think I might know, I might be able to help give you some tips.

Are you doodling your anime boyfriend? XD I used to try to help my younger sister doodle her anime boyfriend, even though I'm not trained in anime drawing at all. I'm more familiar with classical figure drawing.

But yeah, after finding that first book that I was so dumbstruck to see (I felt like I must be dreaming, and thought maybe I was like in a lucid dream or something, so I like had to mentally pinch myself and question my surroundings, lol.) But anyways, after finding that one, not long after, as I was still looking over the racks, my eyes laid upon that Steven King book "On Writing", and I thought of you, and I just thought this is total icing on today's cake. THEN, on top of that, I found a book on the history of garden herbs, which is totally awesome and coincidental, because I'm in the midst of dabbling in aquiring plants, starting an herb garden (so far I have mint, lavender, thyme, and am trying to sprout parsley, sage, rosemary, chives, and catnip). I've tried the mint to make a tea, and I think it is super good. So anyways, I was on Cloud 9 with my one-after-another book finds yesterday.

Oh and I also found another Anne Rice book, lolll. I'm pretty afraid to read it, seeing as I still haven't continued reading the other book of hers where I left off a couple years ago...because I had one of the WORST nightmares in my entire life in the midst of reading it (not sure why, still). But I just love the atmosphere and subject matter of her books.

Aside from that book (which I saw later while browsing), when I first walked up to the book racks I was just thinking "Wouldn't it be AWESOME if I found 'this' book" (I've been wanting to read a certain book in particular lately, and just before I went to Goodwill I had just stopped at the library to see if they had it--they didn't...could get it from another branch eventually, though. But anyways, I was seriously shocked totally dumbstruck, cause after my little disappointment of the library not having that book on site (so I can read it right NOW, impatience...lol)...I walked up to the racks in Goodwill like just hoping I would see it, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, right as I was thinking that, right after I'd walked up to the racks and first glance started looking...MY EYES LAID UPON THAT VERY BOOK :O I had to blink and look twice. I completely couldn't believe it. That was awesome to the point I was pretty freaked out, and still am.

Yes, I did buy it!!

Oh, drawing -_- I have such a love/hate relationshipe w/it, as you know. I would honestly love to see what you draw, though. So curious :D

I tried out a recipe the other day for some Asian-style noodles with soy and teryaki sauce, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. I think it's a total keeper. Really good. Next I'm going to try making that Thai peanut sauce from scratch XD

Guess what I found at Goodwill today? "On Writing" by Steven King!

I've been getting almost 40 hrs a week at work, and somehow I've been managing to chip away at redecorating my bedroom, try new recipes, and I've been reading more. Things aren't perfectly swimming, of course, but I think the pinterest has been helping to give me ideas. But yeah...I mean...the stereotype is that that site is for, like, mason jar craft enthusiasts, lol. It can be anything you want, though. Basically just a bunch of photos albums, and I like the vague collective portrayal they emanate of oneself. I've been on there finding new stuff to pin that gives me ideas. The other day I made homemade butter, and now I'm like thrilled to know all the things I can make with whipping cream, lol. I actually find it soothing and inspiring to browse over the pins I've collected on my boards, whereas on FB I get an instant sense of heightened anxiety and feel down the moment I glance over "my past" on my profile on there. I like how pinterest is more just pictures of interests.

Just thought I'd mention it. I think it's nice for making a list of books I want to read/have read, and I've also been finding lots of recipes that have been helping me to learn to cook more. I'd be interested to see what some of your favorite books have been etc, since on here I only see music ^_^

you should get a pinterest ^_^ i know...lammme...lol, but i like the format quite a bit, of sharing interests, compared to fb

OMG, I'm listening to the radio, and "Sex and Candy" is on. I totally thought of you right away, lol <3

no need to reply, lol. i'm annoying the fuck out of myself right now. i'm sorry it's like spilling out here to you. i should just shut up and...and...i don't know what to do with myself...should probably just sleep *like always*

life sucks! lol. omg, i feel like shit in my mind right now. like a big tangled black hole squeezing inside my head and sucking my soul and leaving me an empty fragile shell

it seems ironically when i get a good chunk of time off, i end up being my least productive, and fall into depression and restlessness

yeah, i've had like a wave of depression wash over me from the depths of nowhere today, and i basically just destroyed all the work i did on my painting the other day. hopefully it'll turn around, but right now i can't seem to do any useful stroke with the brush, and i feel like just scribbling across the whole thing. don't even know if it's able to be saved at this point. i really shouldn't have attempted to work on this when i felt so terrible in the first place. maybe i should just do like psychotic scribbly "art"...it'd be a lot easier, lol

Have you gotten some time off?