Taylor Bailey

Taylor Bailey, born May 22, 1990, started her singing career early. From 1990-1991, she was the lead singer in an experimental screamo band called Les Bébés Morts Pour Dîner. Despite the band's limited success, and the brutal fist-fight that led to their 1992 break-up, this initial step into the music industry was a crucial one.

Her singing career faced many hardships during the post-Bébés years, the biggest being the austere and restrictive St. Joe's code of conduct, which strictly prohibited singing, dancing, or merryment of any sort. However, Bailey bravely perservered, exercising her vocal cords whenever and whereever possible. Her first solo album, Holy Shit Chelsea Is A Hypocrite Whale, was released in 2001. It received moderate success in independent music circles, but was criticized by the mainsteam due to subject matter considered un-PC, in the sensitive, post-9/11 world. This did not deter Bailey either, for she shortly came back with another release, entitled Eleanor Roosevelt: Fucking Cunt. The biggest fans of Bailey's regard this as her most lyrically intelligent work.

In 2003, Bailey sought out to conquer a new genre of music. Retreating from the anti-singing land of St. Joe's, she became a member of what is widely considered the epitome of punk rock, truly a glorious mecca of the music, Crestwood. With a large, dedicated fanbase behind her, Bailey began to dominate the punk scene, releasing no less than 36 EPs, and 1,111 full albums, all of which were outstandingly popular, outselling local rap scene frontrunners, MJ Eckhouse and Ike Andrews. A split album with the overweight drummer of the Uncontrollable Nosebleeds, Nate Green, was highly anticipated, but Green became far too hungry and devoured his drumset before the record could be completed. Fans were mildly disappointed, but as Punk Planet journalist, Anne Arkey said, "Noone gives a shit about Nate Green."

Bailey's departure from the punk scene was a solemn one. Late 2005, Bailey and lead singer of Anti-Flag, Justin Sane, got into a sing-off. At first, the contest appeared to be good-natured, but the two soon found themselves in the heat of a nasty wrestling match, which Bailey won, because Sane is a vegetarian. Bailey decided that this was the end of her involvement in the punk scene, to the great chagrin and letdown of her fans. It was rumored that when Bailey made her announcement of farewell, a trumpet could be heard far off in the distance playing Taps. This rumor has since been disproven, the trumpet was actually belonging to ex-rap star, MJ Eckhouse, playing a song about food.

In an interview with Neutral Milk Hotel Covers Weekly, Bailey told fans that her singing became more serious, and less of a hobby in spring of 2006, with the role of Elsa Schraeder in the Sound of Music. Beautifully eloquent motivational speaker, Ick Anders, described the performance, as "good." And many more good performances were to come! Bailey ventured into jazz, displaying her vocal talent at an assortment of jazzfests/vodka-tastings around Northeast Ohio. She also participated in various side-projects, including the David Collica Choir and the Teenage Dirtbag Annoyeveryoneinthevicinitytofuckingdeath Album.

One of Bailey's most widely appreciated works, even more so than the collection from the punk era, is her latest release-Lobsters in Love. The record consists of Bailey's haunting voice, unaccompanied, singing beautiful interpretations of classic love songs such as the jazz staple, "All of Me", Neutral Milk Hotel's "Two Headed Boy pt 2", and the classic, "Karl, I'm Fucking Nervous." Widely renowned as the great romantic album of the decade, Lobsters in Love has topped the charts and impressed music critics from every major genre, and even came close to winning a Grammy (unfortunately, it was defeated by Rihanna's genius hit-Umbrella).

Thankfully, the wild success of Lobsters is not enough to lull the singer into the monotony of a lavish, lazy lifestyle, which, as demonstrated by many, only leads to mediocrity and huge, garish diamond necklaces. No, Bailey has already announced several plans for the future. In an exclusive interview, Bailey alluded to her upcoming album, which will be a compilation of cover songs, similar to Lobsters, except the theme will be "songs that are really fun to sing poorly". When pressed for hints as to what songs might be included on the work, Bailey simply gazed out into the distance, placed her hand over her heart, and replied "God bless America". This vague answer has evoked frantic rumors and guesses, most of which speculate that the next album will encompass Bailey's love for American history and her plans to further her career at Kent State University in the fall. Whatever the songs, whereever the place, whenever the time, the entire music industry await Bailey's next release with eagerly baited breath and open ears.