Biography
Called by some "possibly the greatest rock group ever to form"; these are the non-believers. Called by many "THE greatest rock group ever to form", the following band has rocked nations, melted faces, caused deafness, and ruined perfectly good pants. Made up of three friends, and one weird guy, Constable Cliff and the Bobbies was the most popular band to come out of Liversworth, England in the 1970's. They were started when lead guitarist, Thaddeus Thirsten, met drummer, Barnett Jones, at a downtown club. Barnett was playing with his band "British Space Invasion", but knocked out all of his band mates because they didn't rock enough, and Thaddeus jumped onstage to replace them, playing guitar, bass, and singing all at the same time, and reciting a few lines of poetry in between sets. The two immediately hit it off, writing such songs as "I'll Rock you Like How a Rocking Boat Rocks", and "That Joke Was Funny, You Just Don't Understand British Humor". Driving through the countryside on their way to a show, small creature ran across the road, and they nearly hit it. It turned out to be Cliff Whaler, whose trademark vocals would make him the future front man of the Bobbies. Now, all that remained was a bassist. They were going to hold auditions, but the day before the auditions, Douglas was sitting in the studio, playing his bass, and acting like nothing was strange. The others were at first confused by his presence, but his continually presence, and their inability to change the locks to the studio, caused him to become the fourth and final member of Constable Cliff and the Bobbies. Their first album "100% British, Except the Bad Teeth", went quintuple platinum in England, Europe, and each individual State, including Rhode Island because cities starting using their records to build condos to increase property value. They have release 5 other record breaking albums: "We Spell Color With a 'U'", "Don't Worry About the Queen, God Save Rock", “The British Are Coming… To Rock", "We're Bigger Than Jesus, Because Jesus Was Actually 5'2"", and "A Collection of Italian Concerto, with the London Philharmonic". During their last world tour "We're taking back all the land we took, but lost" in 1979, a pyrotechnic malfunction, caused fireworks to collide with the life-sized replica of Big Ben onstage, renting a hole in space-time and sucking Cliff, Thaddeus, and Barnett into the newly created worm hole. Douglas was strangely unaffected by the worm hole's gravity and only walked in because Cliff still owed him $20 for pizza from the week earlier. As they flew through time, Cliff came to a realization: They could bring their rock to all times! They made a vow to rock for all time, and now they could rock all times!
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