Låttexter
Radio Announcer: Right now it's time for
Athletics, and over to Brian Goebbels in Paris
Brian Goebbels: Hello, well you join us here in Paris
Just a few minutes before the start of today's big
Event, the final of the men's being eaten by a crocodile
Event. I'm standing now by the crocodile pit and-
Radio Announcer: Ah, well, I'm afraid we've lost Brian Goebbels so
While they're sorting that out, we have a report
From Barry Loathsomе in Loughborough on the
British preparations for this most important еvent
Barry Loathsome: Here at Loughborough are the five young men chosen
Last week to be eaten by a crocodile for Britain this summer
Obviously the most important part of the event is the opening 60
Yard sprint towards the crocs, and 22 year old Nottingham
Schoolteacher Gavin Warrilow is rated by some pundits not only the
Fastest but also the tastiest British morsel
Since Barry Gordon got a bronze at Helsinki. In
Charge of the team is Sergeant Major Harold Dupe
Harold Dupe: Ah, you not only gotta get in that pit first, you
Gotta get eaten first. When you land in front of your croc and
He opens his mouth, I want to see you right in there. Rub your
Head up against his taste buds, and when those teeth bite into
Your flesh, use the purchase to thrust yourself down his throat
Loathsome: Dupe's trained every British team since 1928, and it's his
Blend of gymnastic knowhow, reptilian expertise and culinary skill
That's turned many an unappetising novice into a crocodilic banquet
Dupe: Well our chefs have been experimenting for many
Years to find a sauce most likely to tempt the crocodile
In the past we've concentrated on a fish-based velouté
Sauce, but this year we're reverting to a simple béarnaise
Loathsome: The British team are worried because Olympic regulations
Allow only the competitors' heads to be sauced. Kevin Warrilow
Kevin Warrilow: Yes, well, I mean, you know, four years ago
Everyone knew the Italians were coating the insides of their
Legs with bolognese. The Russians have been marinading themselves
One of the Germans, Biellet, was actually caught putting
Remoulade down his shorts. And the Finns were using tomato-
Flavoured running shoes. I think it should either be
Unrestricted garnishing, or a single Olympic standard mayonnaise
Loathsome: Gavin, does it ever worry you that you're
Actually going to be chewed up by a bloody great crocodile?
Warrilow: The only thing that worries me
Jim, is being the first one down that gully
Loathsome: Well, the way things are going here at Loughborough
It looks as though Britain could easily pick up a place in the
First seven hundred. But nothing's predictable in this tough
Harsh, highly competitive world, where today's champion is
Tomorrow's crocodile shit. And back to you in the studio, Norman
