Lyrics
It was colder than a witch's tit
Colder than a polar bear's nose
Colder than the shoulder of my old flame
Colder than hell, heaven knows
Not quite as cold as you think it is
When the wind chill factors blow
But centigrade and Fahrenheit
It fell way below zero
The electric duvet was cranked way up to ten
The gas fire was on full blast
When I get the bills from both of those boards
I don't know if the money will last
I was fully clothed in my entire wardrobe
And I still couldn't feel my toes
Then the flat pipes burst, we had another first
The water in the toilet bowl froze
When the radio ordered me to stay at home
I obeyed, though I was miffed
But the roads were iced, there was a ton of snow
And when the wind blows, snow will drift
I was brushing and flossing my chattering teeth
And in the mirror, I saw my breath
Half-frozen, watching the TV news
The other half of me was worried to death
We got helicopter rescues and freezing old ladies
And the choo-choo trains won't go
On the M4, there's a five-mile tailback
Of lorries jackknifing in the snow
And it's summer down under in Australia
What gets under my skin
On the TV, they show us suntanned cricketers
They're just rubbing it in
They're saying it's from Siberia
That communist arctic zone
What we got is a Russian plot
To make the world their ice cream cone
Whether we're gonna get a break
The weatherman will not say
I took my dog for a walk and she took a crap
You won't smell it until April or May
And the same thing happened here last year
But you don't wanna know
In England, people walk around wearing raincoats
And running shoes in the snow
You don't wear no hat or gloves
It don't make no sense
You still think with that silly umbrella
You can conquer all of the elements
It was the coldest day on record
In the coldest week in memory
It was the coldest month in the coldest year
On the coldest night in history
But don't ask me how cold it was
You don't wanna know
It's centigrade and Fahrenheit
It fell way below zero
I'm talking centigrade and Fahrenheit
It fell way below zero
