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Once upon a time, musta been 'round October, few years back
In one of those top secret laboratories the government keep stashed away underneath Virginia
An evil prince, occasionaly employed as a part-time theatrical criticizer
Set to workin' on a plot for the systematic genocidal removelance
Of all unwanted highly-rhythmic individuals an' sissy-boys

The cocksucker done whiffed up a secret potion
And right 'long with it, the atrocious idea that what he been boilin' up down there
Just might be the final solution to the white man's burden
If yo' acquire my drift

Lyrics continue below...

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Well, he were sure he had a good thing goin'
But there was always the possobility that somethin' might fuck up
So, he planned to have a little test
Just to check it all out before he dumped it in the water supply

Shortly thenafter, with high-level government collaboration
He arranged to have a good-will visit to San Quentin
'Long wit some country-western musicians, an' sprinkle a little bit of it on some of the boys in there
Since they done used a few of 'em before when they was messin' with the syphilis

So, here they come with the potion, dumpin it all in the mash potatoes

Then they went up to the warden's office for some hot toddy
Watchin' a little football while they waitin' to see what gone happen

Fact o' the matter were, nothing happened
So they went off an' dribbled it in a special shipnint of Galoot collogne
That went out about November

Next thing you know, fagnits be droppin' off like flies
'Long with a large number of severely-tanned individuals, presumenably of Haitiian extractment

But not the boys in the rest home
Oh no
Mixin' the shit with the mash potatoes done smoothed it out a little
So if it wouldn't kill yoor ass, but it sure would make you ugly
An' if it was already ugly, it'd make you ass mean an' ugly
And if you was already mean an' ugly, it'd turn ya into a strange, unknown creature
Never before seen on Broadway

That's right
It'd turn ya' into a "Mummy nun" (head like a potato)
Head like a potato
Lips like a duck

(Big ol' hands, puffin' up) Big ol' hands
(Big ol' hands, puffin' up) Puffin' up
(Big ol' hands, puffin' up) Big ones
(Big ol' hands, puffin up) Science
Medieval religius costumery all over yo' body

Oh, yeah

Writer(s): Frank Zappa

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