Self bio/explanatory found on the internet:
Somewhere around 2003 I began calling myself "Ressurrector" on rap songs. I want it to be known that using such a name had nothing to do with Jesus Christ, I was thinking of zombie movies and it was close to my real name for those that know…
"Ressurrector" is a fictional character (that is NOT me personally in real life), it is supposed to be a monster in the woods…..that raps….sings…screams….growls…etc etc. And I have said that in many of the tracks. I'm telling you that cause I have tried to distance myself from that character. The way the world seems to be today I don't think we need any more monsters…even fictional ones…
The entire project should have probably never saw the light of day, but it did and one thing led to another and I went on to make an album under the name "Ressurrector". A very very dark album with songs that occasionally threw rocks at God and the Bible among general halloween horror topics, and even sometimes inadvertently and even directly glorified Satan, a deity which I did not truly believe in.
Back in 2005, I'm not honestly sure what I exactly believed in, maybe that space aliens seeded humanity or something?
I guess the word was "agnostic", I believed in an ultimate creator but I didn't think that anyone could possibly know the rules of the "game".
This all changed for me in and after April 2006 when I was made to "know" the true God. And to even learn that "Satan" was not just a fable god like say Greek Zeus, but REAL.
But even ALL the things I went through in 06 was not enough to make me just be completely brand new over night. But I did start praying daily, just simple prayers thanking God for the days and my family, etc. And biblically there is nothing greater than FAITH.
But even though I was still "involved" in that scene (in some shape or form), I made a conscious choice to NEVER speak positively about the devil, or to loosely or jokingly talk about a topic like suicide, ever again.
Somewhere around 2008 I got the wild idea to try and make a few tracks again. My voice wasn't what it was, an aneurysm and brain surgery took a lot out of me, and on like a permanent level. But I was still head strong and stubborn, so there were a few spin off albums, and another "official" Ressurrector release.
And maybe that also should not have ever saw the light of day, but as in the start of this thing, one thing led to another and there it was.
An event happened locally in 2011, a tornado outbreak. I remember going outside the day after and it looked like a war zone, like bomb blast or something. But miraculously the destroyer "passed over" our house and spared us.
Around this time I started making my way out the back door of the horrorcore party. I began noticing signs all around me of this world falling apart. I just couldn't condone it all anymore at any level.
Somewhere around the middle of 2012 I got real with the Lord, I realized that I was a sinner and I could not escape the wrath of the Lamb. No food or shelter of any kind could hide me from God or the wrath of God.
And at that moment it was like a huge epiphany, and I NATURALLY at that point began pulling away from the world and the flesh. And I stopped looking at random doom and gloom stuff on the internet as if someone let me know that it was really futile. But I still had no Biblical knowledge at this point.
In 2013 I observed some of the darkest skies and days of my life. It was like a real horror movie, and all the people around me were like robots or something that were all but oblivious to the "signs" around them.
I went looking for answers to the unnaturally dark skies all around me……I read and studied many things during that time, like Sumerian myths, the Quran, the Anton Laveigh books, and the King James Bible. I found the answers to the dark skies in the KJV, and no where else.
Reading and studying the Bible reinforced my faith, and in my belief that Jesus Christ died for my sins and the sins of the world on a cross at Cavalry over 2,000 years ago.
Through the years after 2012 there was a few vlog videos out there where I talk about things I probably shouldn't have, and most likely offended many people in the process with my off beat and apathetic humor,I apologize to any and all folks I may have offended, that was not my intention, in my heart I wanted to help them any way that I could, and that's what I "thought" God wanted me to do at the time. SO…by faith I have done and said things here and there, Biblical Abraham laid Isaac upon the alter to sacrifice him because he "thought" (faith) that's what God wanted him to do. Biblical Lot offered up his virgin daughters to wicked men because he "thought" (faith) that would alleviate the situation and God would be merciful to their stupidity and perverse abominable request (fortunately neither of those things ended up actually happening).
I'm not a preacher or pastor nor desire to be, in the Bible there is nothing greater than for a Christian to witness to others and spread the gospel and love of Jesus Christ. Anyone can witness, man, woman, child…anytime.
What does this have to do with music? Shouldn't you just settle down and make wholesome virtuous Christian music the rest of your days on Earth?
- It seems a bit more difficult than that, there seems to be more to my story than I even once thought. Along with other conditions, I seem to suffer from a condition I call "Post SSRI" that I most likely have been invisibly battling since the 90's, a seemingly permanent loss of "simple pleasure" and "simple lust" (basically a severe dampening of emotions and motivation) following the first time use of a particular SSRI drug, Prozac.
In the last few years, it seems the "knowledge" of the SSRI's causing permanent problems (mostly sexual) in the majority of those that take them is coming out.
For years I did not have a desire to socially connect with others, felt robotic and apathetic, and did naturally drift toward extreme things like extreme music, extreme porn, extreme wrestling, extreme movies, etc etc……….and maybe now I know why…
My music was very robotic, and I didn't necessarily "feel" it all the time, but I did understand the dynamics and energy involved. I wasn't always apathetic and robotic. Mozart is credited by being one of the greatest composers ever, and he went deaf, but he was not always deaf.
In a similar fashion, those with Post SSRI did not begin emotionally dampened.
On the first album I did, "Powers That Be", I did a song called "Columbine Killing Machine" about the Columbine trajedy, as a scientist it did some what intrigue me that those kids were supposedly on Prozac, and they supposedly left a suicide note in the bathroom before they did what they did.
I chose to read that supposed suicide note as an intro to the Columbine song in a very Orson Wells and dramatic fashion, I do not agree with nor condone what they did (then or now), but to me it was an American horror story, a real one, and I was a story teller rapper, and a horror story teller rapper. And like most Ress concept songs of the time I sat and studied before an internet page 30 minutes to an hour before I made it, and I did wonder what went through those kids minds………….was a voice talking to them? commanding them to do what they did? Satan? If not Satan then what?
I remember the days of singing Christmas carols with family and friends and at school and feeling a "simple joy" inside. (Christmas carols are essentially gospel hymns.) But that simple joy seems to be a flesh simplicity that I do not seem to feel anymore. And I can only think that Post SSRI is the reason based on what I've experienced and what I currently read and study about it.
Post SSRI is a reality for those that have it. A reality where those persons in an attempt to self medicate reach for "heavier" things, more "extreme" things in an attempt to "feel" simple emotions again. Not realizing that the "things" they are saying and doing are celebrating and glorifying death, darkness, and evil (and on an extreme level). (and yes SIN…..which is rewarded with death…Romans 6:23)
There seems to be no cure for Post SSRI as no one seems to actually know what is going on or went on. And like two snowflakes no two people are the same. Post SSRI does seem to have some common denominator symptoms though like - sexual dysfunction, loss of pleasure and satiety, loss or dampening of emotions, loss of basic lust and motivation.
Why am I telling this and why now? - Based on information I've read and my own experiences, this condition is most likely a MAJOR one that effects many many people, I'm 41 years old, and physically disabled (to go along with mental disabilities I've had since my teens), and many days I'm lucky to go up or down stairs without a hand rail, I have no horse in the race, I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, I have no desire to go to a bar or club and fornicate or commit adultery, I'm not a young man, my 30's and 20's are long gone.
As a scientist I find it very interesting how similar all the stories of Post SSRI are……there is some problem (for me it was panic attacks) that drives the individual to seek treatment from a mental health practitioner………then the patients are placed on an SSRI drug…….the drug has an "acute" effect and then many patients report feeling permanently altered months and weeks later. I also find it interesting that usually the cases happen while the person is still a teenager and isn't there something about you should never give anti-depressants to teenagers? Something about the brain still developing or something?
As a Bible believing Christian, I cannot currently condone violent extreme dark music, yet I cannot "feel" simple music nor do I get anything out of social encounters. Where to go from here? I dunno……Maybe my calling is to help shed light on this disorder? If I can help someone out there by bringing light to this permanent disorder then I'm glad to help,
I have rambled on enough… check back for more later.
And REMEMBER, there is NOTHING by me out there, no web sites, no forums, no music sites (I deleted the Myspace,the one thats there now is someone pretending to be me). Before I left that scene I deleted EVERYTHING I had access to! This is one of the few things I have left under the "Ressurrector" name. IF something is out there claiming to be me or by me, ITS NOT!!!
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