Nikki wrote the song to show both sides of his life. the "I carry my crucifix under my deathlist" is not meant to show a world his hopes to rejoin, it's to show the world that he lives in, or did at the time. He's saying and has repeatedly said he's always kept a foot in both worlds, because that's hope, and if you lose hope you have nothing. This song has a major resonance with him because it shows everything that's ugly, ungodly and real, but carries with it religious overtones that show hope that when he's done "doing time on the wild side" he will leave the earthly hell and go on to a better place. He's talked about it in countless articles.
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