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Tell the Captain - Lyrics

We beamed down to the planet with the Captain and the Doc
It must have been a dozen strong we were
But the Captain saw those women and it must have been a shock
He turned as green as his First Officer

We used plenty of protection, we had phasers, everyone
And security was on them head to toe
But the Captain just suggested we should beam back to the ship
And he told security that they could go

Someone tell the Captain, he's wanted on the bridge
We've got another message from some planet out in space
There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate
And you know that to their rescue we must race

"Now wait right there," the Doctor said, "I really do believe
This is the day that I've been waiting for
So I think I'll hang around for just a little while and see
What these charming little ladies have in store"

I didn't understand him til I took a look around
To the children that were running through the place
Tall and short and fat and then but I noticed every one
Bore the spitting image of the Captain's face

Someone tell the Captain, he's wanted on the bridge
We've got another message from some planet out in space
There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate
And you know that to their rescue we must race

The Doctor only smiled as all the ladies made their claims
Paternity suits rained from every hand
And he said "I'm a country doctor, not a magistrate
But I'll tell you just exactly what I can"

So the Captain stood there nervously and looked them face to face
With every shred of dignity he had
And the Doctor choked his laughter as he checked them one by one
Then solemnly pronounced "Jim, you're dad."

Someone tell the Captain, he's wanted on the bridge
We've got another message from some planet out in space
There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate
And you know that to their rescue we must race

By the time we got back to the ship the crew had heard the news
And we tried our best to cover every smirk
But the Captain sat there fuming with those papers in his hands
And he shouted, "Everybody, back to work!"

Well the Captain, he's on board now whenever we're on leave
And you never see him going into town
Child support has left him broke, he can't risk another kid
And his yeoman will not let him live it down

Someone tell the Captain, he's wanted on the bridge
We've got another message from some planet out in space
There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate
And you know that to their rescue we must race

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