• Out of Ideas? Famous? Release a Christmas CD

    23 Dec 2006, 21:52 by Jazz13

    Even if you can't sing, can't play an instrument and are even just moderately famous, people will still buy your Xmas shit if they recognize you from TV.

    It's the perfect option if you've just gotten out of rehab for pill addiction, just out of jail on statutory rape charges, or if you've just flashed your goodies in the tabloids and want to cash in.

    If you shared a show with Regis, write a song for Jesus. So what if your last album was in 1980, people will still buy it if they recognize your name. Why not ruin holiday standards, Sinatra and Crosby are dead, time to piss on their grave with your tone-deaf shit.

    Want to take a below-average Wham! song and join the crowd of B-list celebrities who've sang it better? Here's your chance. The best thing about Christmas is it only comes once a year, giving you 364 other days to party, get arrested, snort the yey, and embaress yourself onstage. Then when people see your half-cocked asshole face on the cover of Star the week before Xmas…