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I was only eight on the day when
I remember laying on the bed
Lazing away
Playing the same game
On my second generation PlayStation
When I heard a faint scream
Coming from the hallway and
I saw my parents on their way to the gate
And Daddy just looked at me straight in the face and
Said mommy's going through labor today, son
I could feel my brain start to race and
Then my legs started pacing
Looked at my baby sis and I'm thinking
Ever since then
How could there even be another sibling?
There was another baby on the way?
But I wasn't even ready for a change yet
They told me to wait
I was scared to be patient
Was Mommy gonna be okay
I was anxious
Fast forward to the hour of your arrival
When I was
Finally allowed inside the hospital ward
And I saw Daddy smiling and
Mommy looked like she just fought in a war
Exhausted as she was
She was still overjoyed
When the doctor walked in
With one little boy
On August 23rd 2004
Mommy always told me
That we don't ever get to choose our family at all
I'll always be Number 1 to the 2 and 3
And who knows if maybe
There'll be a fourth
No excuse that I could afford
To make or advice that I could ignore
At the end of the day
When my parents are gone
These are the kids
I'll be responsible for
Then many years later
It seemed that her words from my memory faded
You were still in your early stages
When our family moved away from Malaysia
I became a teenager
I went through a phase where
I behaved like I had the right
To display my rage
Towards anyone I was thinking of aiming at
And I tried to
Justify my anger
And my violent behavior
As my form of expression
Being a bullying victim
At school by all those racists
But my mistake was
Never sharing my problems
Or the issues that I was facing
Never brought 'em up in conversations
And I felt there wasn't anyone in the
world who could understand my situation
So I used to lock myself
In my room all day and I'd be listening
To rap music
And it usually ends with
Me taking my frustrations
Out on you, kid
And I didn't even stop to think about how you felt
And the truth is,
I can't blame you
If you don't accept my apology
For the things that I did now
Cause every time you said sorry to me
I refused it
Man, I was stupid
Now I'm disgusted to just
Look back at how abusive
I used to treat you
How did I have the heart to do this?
How can I forget
That look on your face confused like
All I wanted to do
Was be like you
But fine
If I ever have a younger brother one day
In the future
Guess what?
I'mma treat him exactly just like you did

I know that I'm so far away
I wasn't always there beside you
To guide you
But I swear if I could take this all away
Just for one more chance
To start all over again
I've made mistakes
But I found a way to change myself for you

Lyrics continue below...

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On the third of December
In the winter of 2009
They told me that you were
On the way but the truth was I didn't mind
I was more mature
I told Mom and Dad
I'm more responsible now
And that's something that I never found
In myself when I was a child
When you came home
I welcomed you with open arms and a smile
I would always read you stories,
Nursery rhymes
And poems at night
I spent more time with you then
Than I ever did in my life
Cause I knew
That eventually my days with you would run out
As you grew up
Well so did I
But this time I was calm enough not
To shout at you
For doing things
That I wouldn't normally allow
Cause I made a vow
To be greater than I was
When I was eight
I'm throwing out the anger and angst
I promised to help out our parents
And do the very best that I can
To try raise you just wait
And whenever you made a mistake
I would always defend you
But they
Would always be telling me
Quit pretending
And being this fake savior
Cause you were just the same as him
When you were his age
So he's gotta learn to behave
It's normal to punish him sometimes
But really who am I to decide
Between what's wrong and what's right?
Remember that you've got other siblings
Don't you dare put them aside
Stop choosing sides
And playing favorites
I was always walking that line
And all this time
I never realized that your brother
Had kept this feeling inside him from all these years
I could have seen in his eyes
Like, all of a sudden
There's a change in you now?
Where were you
When I needed you
It's so unfair
Look how you're treating him now
Then when I was done with high school
And I had to move out of the house
Go to college for months in a year
And away from you for thousands of miles
Knowing that I
Never fulfilled my promise
And I never got to do my best
And it made me ask myself
What kind of a big brother am I?
And that's probably why
I never found that
Missing piece of my mind
I knew when I said goodbye to you
And there was not a single tear in your eyes
I'd write to you
But I'd like to see your replies
But now that I got you here
I want you to hear
That my biggest fear in life
Is losing you guys
Yes, I'll admit it,
I apologize that I took you guys for granted
I cry to myself every night for the times that I put you down
And I regret it
So if I might just take a minute
Of your time before I die and I leave this planet
I won't need a beep when I leave this message
Please just listen
I'm losing out on my sleep
And I'm weak
And I need your strength
Just to keep me from beating myself
And I mean every word I speak
Till the beat is finished

I know that I'm so far away
(To start all over again)
I know that I'm so far away
(I'll always be my brothers' keeper)
(But I found a way to change myself for you)

I'm sorry
That I'm not always
There when you need me
To be

I'm sorry
I kept you waiting for me

And I'm sorry
For every time I
Made you turn your back away

I'm sorry
I kept you waiting for me

I know that I'm so far away
I wasn't always there beside you
To guide you
But I swear if I could take this all away
Just for one more chance
To start all over again
I've made mistakes
But I found a way to change myself for you

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