Testo
Ah, come in, come in, Mr. Simpson!
Welcome to Mousebat Follicle Goose Creature Ampersand
Spong Wapcaplet Loose Liver Vendetta and Prang!
Thank you
Do sit down, my name is Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet
How do you do?
Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson, French is it?
No
Ah, now I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder
String
String, washing powder, what's the difference? We can sell anything!
Good, well I have this large quantity of string, 122,000 miles of it
To be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it-
Of course, a national campaign, useful stuff, string, no trouble there
Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the 122
000 Miles is in three-inch lengths, so it's not very useful
Well, that's our selling point! Simpson's individual stringettes!
What?
The Now String! Ready cut, easy to handle, Simpson's
Individual emperor stringettes, just the right length!
For what?
Uh... a million household uses!
Such as?
Uh... tying up very small parcels, attaching notes
To pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests-
Destroying household pests? How?
Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with
It, and if they're smaller, you flog them to death with it!
Surely-
Destroy 99% of known household pests with pre-sliced, rustproof
Easy to handle, low-calorie Simpson's individual emperor
Stringettes, free from artificial coloring, as used in hospitals!
Hospitals?
Have you ever been in a hospital where they didn't have string?
No, but it's only string
Only string? It's everything! It's... it's waterproof!
No, it isn't
Alright, it's water-resistant then!
It isn't
Alright, it's water-absorbent! It's super-absorbent
String! Absorb water today with Simpson's individual
Water-absorbi-tech stringettes! Away with floods!
You just said it was waterproof
Away with the dull drudgery of workaday tidal
Waves! Use Simpson's individual flood preventers!
You're mad!
Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex, sex, must get sex into it. Wait
I see a television commercial. There's this nude woman in a bath
Holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a
Doctor, gotta have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath
With a doctor. That's too sexy. Put an archbishop there watching
Them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and
Animals. There's two kids admiring the string and a dog admiring the
Archbishop who's blessing the string. Uh, international flavors
Missing. Make the archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not
Archbishop Makarios? No, no, he's dead. Never mind
We'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper. So, there's
Archbishop Makarios' brother and a doctor in the bath...
