iloveyoumonkey

Some questions I may need to ask you (which will, in turn, tell you about me)

Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with a thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that-for some reason- every political prisoner on earth has cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel toed boots.
WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO THIS?

You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: every three years, someone will break both of your soulmate's collarbones with a Cresent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: you must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life- sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice In Chains. When you hear Credence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice In Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice In Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
WOULD YOU SWALLOW THE PILL?

At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR". This machine allows you to tape an entire evening's worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: when you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR.
WOULD YOU STILL DO THIS?

For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can sudddenly read on a twelfth-grade level. They can't write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their own existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
THAT BEING THE CASE, DO YOU THINK THE AVERAGE CAT WOULD ENJOY GARFIELD, OR WOULD CATS FIND THIS CARTOON TO BE AN INSULTING CARICATURE?

OK, I am not funny enough to have came up with those questions myself, but they do come from a book I am reading, and I thought them applicable.