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Sandpaper Handjob will rule you.

5 Dec 2006, 17:37

Shameless self-promotion? Yeah probably.

My band just recorded a couple of demo tracks (in my fucking dorm room!), and you can listen to them at http://www.purevolume.com/sandpaperhandjob.

Tell me what you think! We're writing crazier shit (faster, more blast beats, fucked time signatures) as we speak.

Dag yo, there is no longer skin on my penis!

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It's like a piece of land in the middle of an ocean. With rappers on it.

31 Oct 2006, 04:30

I like Islands a lot, I was hyped to see them, I got one dollar tickets, the First Avenue is a nice place, etc, etc, introductory bullshit paragraph: over!

Islands always tour with rappers! Because they have a rap breakdown in one of the best songs on their record, Return to the Sea! On this tour they took along Subtitle and Blueprint!

After we watched the Batman TV show (Biff! Ker-sploosh!) with no sound for half an hour, Subtitle got on stage. He didn't stop talking for a second in his entire 20-minute set, and he managed to talk faster when he was bantering with the crowd than he did in his raps (which were off the hook). He's the guy who is on the album version of Where There's A Will There's A Whalebone by Islands, and this is the first tour he's been able to come out with them on. He DJed with his iPod, and between songs he kept us all laughing. His way of controlling a crowd is nigh-Godly, and he did a great job setting up the rest of the show. Check him out, it's worth it.

Blueprint was up next for an equally fun (if more traditional) experience. I've had his only solo record (1988) for a year or so and never been particularly into it, but he has stage presence pouring out of every pore, and his raps weren't bad either. Pretty straightforward "look at me I decided to rap after hearing Slug!" indie-rap (traditional Rhymesayers stock), but with a good sense of wit and flow. His first couple songs (about inequalities, injustices, and wannabe-gangster rappers) were awe-inspiring. After that the lyrical quality went straight downward into fun but blindingly irrelevant songs about things like cell phone minutes and wry-but-generic sex talk, but he kept his presense going the entire set. Despite the crowd being an indie/pop group of kids, he kept us enthralled.

The crowd was out in full force by the time Islands hit the stage, and it was the sweet spot of people where it's not crowded but it's not uncomfortably empty either. Islands were all dressed in white clothing, but they still maintained a sense of individuality. Their guitarist is a slouching, bored-looking hipster kind of guy, their bassist is a funky Jamaican guy with a beanie, their drummer is a Generic Rock Guy, their keyboardist/secondary violinist/secondary vocalist/assorted other shit guy is a nerdy Asian kid with a Nintendo controller belt buckle, their lead violinist wears his button-up shirt with the top two buttons down and the collar popped and flaring, like a stage magician, and frontman Nick Diamonds wears tight pants and a form-fitting tank top. But when they started playing they moved as one organism. Everything was perfectly coordinated, the dynamic shifts breathtaking, the tempos exerting physical force on the entire crowd. They opened with "Swans," and it was good. They went through most of the tracks on their record (and two really good sounding new ones!), and they were good (highlight: "Jogging Gorgeous Summer"). Then they played "Where There's A Will There's A Whalebone," and right on time Subtitle walked out on stage and pulled off his part without a hitch. Blueprint even came out and did a bit. It was breathtaking. You haven't lived until you've seen it. Go. Now. Catch them while Subtitle is still on tour with them. They 'closed' with "Rough Gem," but I knew it wasn't over because they hadn't played "Don't Call Me Whitney, Bobby" yet, and when they came back out and played it, it was triumphant as hell. They closed for real with "Renaud," and it was moving.

The end.

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Ed Gein and Heavy Heavy Low Low (live)

20 Oct 2006, 16:28

The show was in the Varsity Theater in Dinkytown, where I had never been before, but purportedly has free-jazz shows sometimes. I had no idea what to expect coming in, so I was surprised as hell when the show was in a lavishly furnished room (entirely carpeted, plush red couches lining the walls, small tables and chairs all around) lit entirely by candles and a disco ball. Kings Of Leon was playing on the stereo. At the same time, my friends and I all exclaimed, "This is the best place to play a grind show, ever!"

A band we hadn't heard of (Ligeia) opened. I spent their entire set thinking "this is the new nu-metal." When they finished, my friend turned to me and said, "I think Poison the Well played pretty well tonight!"

No matter, Ed Gein were up next! The last time I saw Ed Gein was towards the end of last summer, in a small bar in Lincoln, Nebraska. Thier bassist electrocuted himself at the start of the show, but they still played an entire set. Their guitar amp broke halfway through and they spent 10 minutes fixing it, and they still played an entire set. They've got dedication. They've also got incredible skill. I don't know if you've listened to them on record, but the sound is akin to being gangraped in the ears by rhino horns. You've got to work up to it to understand what is going on, to say the least. But every last second on their seemingly chaotic music is pulled of with precision and skill in a live setting, and it's a joy to watch. Although they seemed out of place on a bigger stage, since they all three scream and can't move much, the show went off without a hitch. After the show, I bumped into their bassist on the street and congratulated him on nothing breaking.

Heavy Heavy Low Low were the headliner, and I was vaguely interested in seeing them. Their EP "Fuck It" is enjoyable, if in the possession of very little staying power. They are, however, one of the singular worst bands I have seen in my entire life. Their singer stood facing towards the stage left wing, away from both the audience and the rest of the band, and did not move for the entire show. Between songs he mumbled incoherently under his breath, still not facing us. He rested his face on the microphone when he screamed, and his body was perfectly still except for his heaving chest. Not only that, but the music was horrid as well. Their songs have this basic structure:

Really Shitty Hardcore
Ironic Interlude
REALLY Shitty Hardcore
Ironic Interlude
REALLY SHITTY HARDCORE

The ironic interludes range from jazz to "emo" guitarwork to ska, but they never lose the tongue in their cheek, and the band might as well just stand on stage wearing signs saying "look at us, we're playing a jazz interlude!" They clearly want to imitate the stylistic fluctuations of The Dillinger Escape Plan or even Mr. Bungle, but with no appreciation for the composition that goes into those bands' work. They play jazz interludes having only ever heard jazz before in hardcore songs. It was painful to watch.

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Coliseum! They're good!

15 Oct 2006, 02:05

I saw Coliseum with Get Rad and Formaldehyde Junkies at the 720 Space in Minneapolis last weekend. I saw the tour notifcation for Coliseum on punknews the day before the show. Minneapolis was one of the first stops on the tour and they did almost no publicity, so I'm lucky I'm a nerd, otherwise I wouldn't have caught it. I'd never heard of the 720 Space before, and I'm glad I know about that too, because it's a really neat place. It's just a small room in an apartment building. There were only about 20 people there and it was crowded. Mostly an older crowd, crusty punk kids.

It took me a while to get there (decided to take a complex string of buses instead of just the 16 line, which is never a good idea) and ended up missing the opener (Assassinations, tell me if they're any good) and walked in halfway through Formaldehyde Junkies' set. They weren't very good (every chorus of every song sounded like Seeing Red, and for that matter so did the verses and bridges) but the atmosphere (no stage, tiny room, etc) was so punk rock it didn't matter.

Get Rad are from Milwaukee and are either brand new or totally under-the-radar. I think they have a record out. I didn't have the dollars to buy it at the show, but I wanted to. They were great. After the show my friend tried to describe them and came out with, "Kinda like hardcore punk, but with breakdowns... No, not really breakdowns. Fuck, it was just good." Amen. They were totally intense hardcore punk/whatever the fuck. I think Coliseum's frontman put it best when he said, "When I go to a hardcore show I want them to knock the fucking walls down, and that's exactly what happened." Their singer moshed with us the whole set while the rest of the band shredded, and it was punk rock, and it was good. They even played a Dillinger Four cover straight-up. Check them out.

Coliseum were, just as I expected, totally hot. Their vocals were totally inaudible the entire set, but it didn't matter. They played tight and fast and hard. Their drummer was incredible, which I didn't see coming from the record. Punk drummers tend to be pretty boring (yeah, I know Coliseum are pretty metal-influenced, fuck you), and even though the drumming on their records is solid I certainly wasn't expecting him to be the centerpiece of the show. Kid blew me away. He played super fast but super tight, and took every opportunity to throw in flourishes and fills, and even to stand up and yell while still keeping the beat. He was great to watch, and sounded great too. They're flying under the radar on this tour, so check their myspace and see if they're coming near you, it's worth taking a drive.

I don't know if the highlight of the night was talking about Steak Mtn. artwork with some kids, going to a show in (and I hate this word as much as you do) a poser-free environment for once, moshing with Get Rad's vocalist, or watching Coliseum's drummer get slowly coated in his own sweat, but it was the best six dollars I ever spent. Fuck stadium shows.

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1349 and Celtic Frost live, plus a Pelican sidenote

26 Sep 2006, 05:06

Sidenote first:

Pelican is God and Truth and Love and Triumph. Their riffs are as tall as skyscrapers, as majestic as mountains. But just as mountains slope downwards into valleys, so does Pelican create equally intense feeling and texture. A two-guitar, one-bass, one-drum kit orchestra.

The meat:

Third show in the Twin Cities. Couldn't make it to Cursive because it's 18+. Fucking hell. Missed Melvins too, for the same reason. I might as well kill myself. April can't come sooner.

Anyway, I saw 1349 and Celtic Frost with Teratism and Sahg.

Teratism has members from Minneapolis and Austin, TX. Weird how that works out. They're really, really terrible. Generic-ass black metal. Their singer kept saying things like "this song is from our new record" and "this is our last song for you tonight" in a forced black metal screech. The lyrics to one of their songs was "OH! SATAN! OH! LUCIFER!" They were funny as hell though, just for complete lack of stage presence and overdone corpse makeup and druid robes and spiky armbands.

SAHG were just about equally bad, although they don't have the "local band" excuse working for them. They're from Bergen, Norway, and they play the most boring and generic stoner rock I've ever heard. I went and ate at Jimmy John's instead of watching most of their set.

1349 are just about the coolest fucking band I've ever seen. For technical merit in a live setting, they're second only to The Dillinger Escape Plan, playing faster than I've seen anyone else play, ever, and still keeping it super tight. It was amazing. They all just kinda stood there, but I don't care. Listening to them on record is like getting your eardrums raped. Now imagine that with a killer mosh pit and guys with armbands that cover their entire forearm and upper arm that have nails instead of spikes with corpse makeup standing all tough on stage and you get an instant orgasm. If you're into that shit.

Celtic Frost, however, are easily the singular worst metal band I've ever seen in my entire life, ever. They started up with a huge fucking build where they stood perfectly still on a stage only lit by blue spotlights while a creepy drone record blared in the background and smoke machines went off like crazy, then after 5 minutes of that shit played a boring, shitty song that sounds like they wrote it in less than five minutes. I have seen better metal vocalists in Omaha, Nebraska high school bands. What the fuck? I couldn't even make it through two whole songs. Fuck that band, and fuck their fans.

You're welcome.

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Strike Anywhere

19 Sep 2006, 00:32

I just saw Strike Anywhere a couple of days ago, and it was like a culmination of two years of my life. Hurray for closure.

They were really tight, and only played a couple songs from their new record, and I knew every word to everything else. I was right at the front, rocking so fucking hard that when I got home I couldn't stand back up after I sat down, yelling every word at the top of my lungs.

A drunk girl I'd never seen before gave me a backrub between songs. It was good. And creept.

I love being alive.

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First Show In The Twin Cities

11 Sep 2006, 04:21

I just saw Animosity, Through the Eyes of the Dead, Terror, Bleeding Through, and Unearth at Station 4 in St. Paul. It was better than the only other metalcore type show I've been to, so we'll call it a victory.

Animosity were fucking amazing. The one time I listened to them I didn't make it through a song because I hated their snare sound so much, but they were fucking tight as hell here. Totally brutal, totally chaotic, great musicians, and stage presense through the roof. Also, their singer has a grill, and is very talented. Hurray.

Through The Eyes Of The Dead are one of the worst bands I've ever seen, and if you like them I don't like you. Singer is worse than Dead To Fall's, if you can believe it, and in general the music was just a gigantic "hey look we have a double bass pedal and can palm mute!"

Terror was generic and shitty. All the songs sounded the same, and a six year old could both play and write them, especially the lyrics. The singer kept saying "This is your stage, this is your show! We are in this together!" followed by "FUCKING CIRCLE PIT RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT!" and "GET ON STAGE! GET ON STAGE MOTHERFUCKERS!" What a bunch of douchebags.

If I have to tell you that Bleeding Through were awful you should buy yourself some musical taste. This is the new nu-metal.

Unearth were surprisingly good. I'd never heard them before, but Greg Puciato made derogatory comments about them so they must suck, right? The music was generic (although their guitarists were pretty cool), but the crowd was really into them in a relatively non-douchey way and they seemed cool.

Anyway, it was fun.

Yeah.

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Artist Ranking System

3 Sep 2006, 03:43

So, the ranking system for artists is fucked, seriously. Basing stats on plays instead of total time listenes to skews the ranking like a bitch. I've listened to Isis more than anyone else this week, but their songs are really reall long, so they don't register at the top. I haven't listened to The Advantage half as much, but they're up at the top too, because all of their songs are short.

I could listen to The Locust for twenty-five minutes and have twenty-two plays by them, and listen to Khanate for forty-five minutes and have two hits, or listen to entire albums by Fantomas or Everlovely Lightningheart and only get one bump out of it. Does this bug anyone else? Last.fm is biased against expansive music!

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Rosetta - The Galilean Satellites

29 Aug 2006, 22:49

I just gave this shit a real listen for the first time since I downloaded it months ago while walking around town with my iPod and holy shit god damn it's amazing. Like Isis but spacey and two a lot more expansive. I might even like it better. Holy fucking shit. This is God.

The first disc is space-sludge-Isis-yadda-yadda-yadda, and the second disc is ambient soundscapes, and if you play them together they match up and work together. It is fucking amazing.

Rosetta - The Galilean Satellites. Go! Now!

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New Music Extravaganza

29 Aug 2006, 17:31

I had a huge queue of music I hadn't added to my library yet (almost 30 records, mostly thanks to Derek), and I decided to blitz it all this morning. These are all first impressions, most of them based off of only one or two tracks, so if I'm horribly off-base please give me a heads-up. Some of these I plan to listen to much more in-depth, others not.

Gantz – 318 366.2

Boring grind/screamo. Nothing remarkable at all. Bleh.

Red Sparowes – Every Red Heart Shines Towards The Sun

Their song titles are even longer and even more meaningless, but the music is great so what do I care? Cool shit. I like it.

Belle Epoque - à la dérive

Pretty intense riff-based screamo. I’ve never heard these guys before (are they new? Do they have a full-length out?), but I’m impressed. Nice melodic instrumentals and spot-on screams. I’m not noticing any melodic vocals yet (and that’s fine), but I doubt they’d be a hindrance, they do everything else right.

Do androids dream of electric sheep – Adactapreface

The book that these guys are named after (by Philip K. Dick, the inspiration for Blade Runner) is really fucking good. This record isn’t really fucking good. It’s pretty okay. Atmospheric like no other, but annoying filters and effects throughout. I like the feeling that is built up by the many interludes, and the songs themselves are pretty great too, but something in the production just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe after a couple more listens I’ll be okay with it. The echoey space effects seem to counteract the screamo at the core of their songwriting.

Ampere –All Our Tomorrows End Today

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IT JUST DOESN’T LET UP GODDAMN!

American Distress – American Distress

Pretty boring shit. Standard punk rock with standard lyrical meld of naivete and calculated-to-shock bullshit. Not terrible or anything, but not really good either.

I Would Set Myself On Fire For You – Believes In Patterns

Let me start by saying: Worst band name ever? Yes. Let me end by saying: really fucking cool shit. All of a sudden they have production values and shit! Haunting, beautiful guitar/viola/keyboard melodies! But still intense screamo shit too! Exclamation points!

Her Breath On Glass – Building Monuments For Survival

Pretty good band. I like their longer songs with melodic builds, the rest sounds empty and derivative.

Cowboys Became Folk Heroes – Cowboys Became Folk Heroes

I’ve heard so many good things about this band and like them so little. Their vocals are grindingly awful and their songs aren’t very creative. Boring to listen to. Everything I’ve heard about them is about how cool they are live, so maybe they bring some sort of energy to it there that isn’t seen here, but I don’t like it regardless.

Glass Casket – Desperate Man’s Diary

God I hate that churning death metal growl. It’s like someone is gargling a festering bowl of bubbling liquid shit. Great guitar, great drums, terrible composition and songwriting. Yet another technical-exercise-only metalcore band. And not anywhere near talented enough to make me listen to it just for the skill. God damn.

Enoch Ardon – Enoch Ardon 7”

I have no idea if this is any good, because the recording quality is SOOO off-the-hook terrible.

I, Robot – Et Cetera

My one beef with screamo (other than there being a million fucking bands that all sound the same and new ones every day) is the penchant for shitty recording. Contrary to popular belief, music is NOT more intense if it’s recorded really, really raw. It’s actually harder to get into. Ya know, because it sounds so shitty. I’m sure this is fine music, but I can’t listen to it.

The Velvet Teen – Great Beast February and Comasynthesis

Really poppy indie rock with no redeeming value. Can you say “soundalike”?

Fugazi – Live Series Vol.6 (Berlin ’92)

What can I say about Fugazi live that hasn’t already been said? Fucking amazing and this is no exception. Great recording quality on this one, and a fabulous setlist.

Gregor Samsa – 55:12

Mmmmmmmm. You hear that? That’s a slow crescendo. Tastes like chicken, but without the slaughter. Even has pretty vocal melodies over said build. I love you, post-rock. Let’s go have hot naked humping sessions.

Behead The Prophet, No Lord Shall Live – I Am That Great And Fiery Force

Well SOMEONE likes powerviolence up in this bitch. Not unlistenable, but annoying and unremarkable.

June Paik – June Paik

Expansive, dynamic, well-orchestrated screamo. I want more! This is great!

Daïtro – Laisser Vivre Les Squelettes

Oh wow. The production on this shit is off the heezy. The guitars are so fucking sharp and biting. This is wonderful. Vocals are great too, and the composition is amazing. Hurray for new good screamo day! I don’t know if best new screamo should go to this or June Paik or Ampere, and I don’t care because I’m just so happy to know about all three.

Gantz - Le Jours Se Suivent E Ne Se Ressemblent Plus

Hey, this is a few million times better than that other record of theirs! I don’t like the guitar sound very much, but it’s still pretty cool shit.

Amen Ra – Mass III

Okay, remember that whole “I don’t know who best new screamo should go to” thing? It’s this. Oh my fucking Christ. Oh my fucking Christ. This is sex and drugs and love and pain and hatred and religion and epiphany. Did this record come out this year? Because album of the fucking century oh my god.

Misery Signals – Mirrors

It’s good, but I just listened to Amen Ra, remember? So nothing will ever sound good again. Nice and grindy, I don’t like the vocals much but I like the lyrics so we’ll call it even. It’s got nice melody in the guitars for such a metal-metal-metal-metal band.

Norma Jean – Redeemer

What the fuck is up with that album art? Anyway, it’s good. Pretty much exactly what you’d expect if you look at their recent trajectory.

Phoenix Bodies – Raise The Bullshit Flag

I love everything except the sound of their snare. Needs a fuller body and less fucking staccato-piccolo annoyance. But that’s a minor quibble, this is really cool shit. I love it.

Sharks Keep Moving – Sharks Keep Moving

I only know about this band because “member of Minus the Bear.” They’re really good. Nice and atmospheric, sparse vocals. Nice drums, nice guitar, nice bass, nice vocals, everything works with the atmosphere.

Government Alpha – Sporadic Spectra

If anyone thinks they’re fucking hardcore for listening to whatever the fuck kind of music, play them this. I think my speakers just got gang raped by a bunch of mutant, glowing ants. This is what we call “harsh noise” up in this house.

Danse Macabre – Synkopenleben, Nein Danke

This is pretty damn good. It certainly doesn’t sound like The Faint, and I’ll take that as a victory any day. Those Germans sure know how to rock the screamo, with clips from Clerks and everything.

The Ascent of Everest – How Lonely Sits The City

This crescendos so fucking slow I wasn’t even aware it was playing until a couple minutes in. If you’re not listening to this in total fucking silence and concentrating on nothing else, it might as well not even be there. That said, if you are indeed listening to this in total fucking silence and concentrating on nothing else, it’s pretty damn cool. Post-rock for the serious.

Thoughts of Ionesco – For Detroit, From Addiction

Wow. Just wow. Those are what I call riffs. Those are what I call vocals. Those are what I call drumbeats. God motherfucking damn this is cool.

Rapeman – Two Nuns And A Pack Mule

Only Steve Albini project I don’t have. Sure, he’s produced some bad shit (Gogol Bordello anyone?) but Shellac and to a lesser extent Big Black make me cum all over myself. Unfortunately, this is not really cool shit. More proof that Albini is not infallible, no matter how amazing some of his shit is. Oh well, good haul today anyway!

Winners:
Ampere – All Our Tomorrows End Today
Gregor Samsa – 55:12
June Paik – June Paik
Daïtro – Laisser Vivre Les Squelettes
Thoughts Of Ionesco – For Detroit, From Addiction
Amen Ra – Mass III

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