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How I feel about the overall top-50 of last.fm

6 May 2008, 06:13

Because my opinion matters, goddammit!

1 Radiohead: They pretty much lost me after OK Computer, but I have a ton of respect for them.
2 The Beatles: As George Carlin said, the wrong two died first.
3 Coldplay: I fully endorse the context in which they're mentioned in 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin'.
4 Red Hot Chili Peppers: I liked it better when Faith No More did it... a LOT better.
5 Muse: Honestly, who's gonna give a fuck in 10 years? Enjoy it while it lasts, you Radiohead wannabe douchebags.
6 Metallica: Now that they've officially made more abysmal college rock albums than badass thrash metal albums, it seems morally reprehensible that they continue to go by that name.
7 Linkin Park: The worst band in the fucking world. If you like Linkin Park, chances are that you're a pathetic failure as a human being, and should probably succumb to those suicidal urges you've been trying to suppress.
8 Nirvana: Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl had awesome taste in music. Why couldn't they have translated that into something that didn't suck?
9 The Killers: The only thing they've ever killed was my interest in ever listening to them.
10 Pink Floyd: A great band, for sure... but I like their songs better when Voivod covers them.
11 Foo Fighters: The only good thing they've ever been associated with was that Robot Chicken sketch with Mr. T.
12 Death Cab for Cutie: Oh, so I'm supposed to like mediocre hipster bullshit, just because they have a supposedly clever name? Fuck that.
13 Madonna: Worthless whore.
14 System of a Down: I liked their first album, but let's face it, there's nothing they do that Mike Patton hasn't done several hundred times better. Also, Serj Tankian is extremely ugly.
15 Led Zeppelin: A lot of great songs, but also a lot of pretentious bullshit. And once they started experimenting with Latin music, there was no salvaging them.
16 Green Day: Was one of my favorite bands when I was in like 6th grade. I was very surprised to see them resurface... and it wasn't the good kind of surprise.
17 Daft Punk: Daft fans.
18 Arctic Monkeys: Haven't heard them... but I have a hard time believing any band with a simian-related name could ever be as good as Sleepytime Gorilla Museum
19 Queen: Legendary for good reason... but it'd be dishonest not to admit that they had a LOT of filler songs.
20 The White Stripes: I'd rather sniff the brown streaks in my boxers than ever have to hear them again.
21 U2: Man, if only they'd decided to call it quits back in 1993...
22 Portishead: Dummy is a guilty pleasure of mine, I'll admit.
23 Oasis: OH, COME ON! PEOPLE ARE STILL LISTENING TO THIS BULLSHIT!?
24 Nine Inch Nails: Isn't Trent Reznor like in his mid-40s now? Isn't that a little old to be making music for depressed teenagers?
25 Placebo: Nocebo.
26 The Cure: I don't like them, but I respect them.
27 The Rolling Stones: This band made a name for themselves by being sex symbols, not on the quality of their music. Now they're in their late 60s/early 70s and are still around and popular... there's something very wrong with that.
28 blink-182: If your heir apparent is Fall Out Boy, you should be tried as a war criminal.
29 David Bowie: He's aged gracefully, I'll give him that.
30 Amy Winehouse: The best argument in favor of anti-semitism.
31 Bloc Party: Who? Nevermind, I don't want to know.
32 Bob Dylan: He definitely has not aged gracefully... but that's okay because he wrote some timeless songs.
33 The Smashing Pumpkins: The comeback is a disgrace.
34 Kanye West: I'd say something about this rich boy poseur asshole, but the fact is, I just don't care enough about black people to bother.
35 R.E.M.: Everything after Automatic For The People is completely superfluous.
36 Incubus: No. Just... no.
37 Fall Out Boy: I wish death upon them. I'm not kidding. I want to see them murdered, and their throngs of insufferable teenybopper fans in mourning.
38 The Strokes: It's pretty cool [not really] how their name is completely ambiguous. What's not ambiguous is the fact that their music sucks
39 Guns N' Roses: Good, but overrated. A number of bands did the whole 'epic rock' thing better, and without the inflated egos.
40 Moby: Worthless, talentless, effeminate wankjar. I hate his music and his smug political grandstanding.
41 Depeche Mode: I don't care if their members are straight, the music is assfuckingly gay.
42 Gorillaz: Hollow gimmickry.
43 Weezer: They're nowhere near as good as their influences, but nowhere near as bad as their followers... ultimately, I'm indifferent to them.
44 Feist: Well, she's kinda hot... but I had that fucking song from the iPod commercial stuck in my head for months... it was maddening!
45 Rage Against the Machine:
Strike 1: They played a major role in spawning nü-metal
Strike 2: Audioslave ruined Chris Cornell's credibility.
Strike 3: Tom Morello is the most overrated guitarist who didn't get shot to death on stage.
So yah, fuck them.
46 Modest Mouse: When did rock 'n' roll become so emasculated that THIS is one of the most popular bands around? Ugh.
47 The Kooks: Who? Nevermind, I don't want to know.
48 Queens of the Stone Age: Really? They disbanded Kyuss for THIS?
49 Jack Johnson: After much deliberation, I've decided that I prefer his clone and bitter rival John Jackson.
50 Iron Maiden: Fuck you, Last.fm! Fuck you for not having quite possibly the greatest band ever to roam the earth any higher than 50th! If this user base is an accurate representative sample of humanity as a whole, then we are truly fucked as a race.

ImmolationOpethRunemagickPharaoh
VoivodBlind GuardianIniquityDeceased
Secret Chiefs 3Edge of SanityBolt ThrowerDeathevocationGorgutsSleepytime Gorilla MuseumSolefaldFates WarningKing CrimsonAnataDark TranquillityThe Book of KnotsPorcupine TreeIron MaidenMorbid AngelThe Angels of LightZealotryOxbowAdramelechDismemberPrimordialSodomKeep of KalessinSighAlchemistNileManilla RoadAtheistSotajumalaDeathSwansNick Cave and the Bad SeedsThe Lord Weird Slough FegNegură BungetHammers of MisfortuneAtrocitySuffocationDemilichKreatorSlayerTestamentStargazerThe ChasmSoundgardenIncantationThe FirstbornRed SparowesLeviathanNecrophobicEnslavedCatacombsGrailsOriginKatatoniaBauhausPortalMonstrosityAbramelinBlut aus Nord
Samael!T.O.O.H.!DissectionNevermoreBruce DickinsonMeshuggahThinking PlagueAutopsyCandlemassThe Jesus LizardOctober TideQueenDefeated SanityIntestine BaalismOphiolatrySolitude AeturnusOrphaned LandDisillusionEntombedCaspianGustav HolstConvulseDeathevokatioNThe GriftersColdworkerDeathspell OmegaDawnbringerVoid of SilenceDark AngelIgor StravinskyGregor SamsaToolPig DestroyerNecrophagistTelevisionCrypticusAgallochThe CrownCerberus ShoalAncient RitesRotting ChristThe Birthday PartyLudwig van BeethovenLiarsRootFaith No MorePurtenanceDemons & Wizards
CadaverCorpus MortaleFleshlessWatchmakerJudas PriestKaamosSatyriconCarnageDuobetic Homunkulus光田康典Melt-BananaNifelheimCryptopsyEvokenArghoslentDisgraceCannibal Corpse
MartyrImmortalSentencedEmperorBehemothBig BlackSummoningVed Buens Ende
HorslipsIndukti
ArcturusdiSEMBOWELMENTMetallicaEsotericThe Fucking ChampsArt Bears
MotörheadExodusRadioheadHail of BulletsHypocrisyBlackfieldMr. BungleNeurosisSkycladAfflictedRottrevoreCarpathian ForestNokturnal MortumDead CongregationBrodequinHour of PenanceNegurã BungetSargeistDies IraeDe Lirium's Order
RavenousGospel Of The Horns
VintersorgForgotten TombMortuary DrapeKing DiamondSeptic FleshYatteringSkyforgerKrisiunShellac
AmorphisLove HistoryCarcassMortemThou Art LordLed ZeppelinLudicraAbigorAbaddon IncarnateFunebrarumAppalling SpawnLoudblastUsurperAxis of AdvancePere UbuAnathemaVirusMorgionBelphegorResurrection
Internal SufferingSlintRevenantPossessed

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