I like to believe this story, which was told at a live performance so yeah. "so basically, I went to new york with nothing but a draft excluder snake in my back pack, and well, the girl didn't like it..."-scott "bitch"-guy in crowd "cmon now, shes not here to defend herself...... BITCH ohhh yeah, also, this snake was gay, its pretty key to the story. it was multi coloured so i assumed it was gay"-scott. And I'm going to guess stuff about taking the snake the the zoo and whatnot is just for the sake of being silly. Not every song has to be full of meaning.
for some reason i always imagined 'snake' to be the nickname of a possibly gay and maybe partially mentally retarded guy (or just a dude with asperger's or something) who is good friends with the guy's girlfriend so he is hanging out with him while waiting for his girlfriend to return home because they both like to talk about her a lot and share memories & he's an almost childlike character that's why he's soft inside (but not as soft as her because he's not in love with him of course they are just friends mainly because they are both close to this girl but in different ways)
& until now, i thought the line "missing heat" was "missing BEE" ... i thought they were referring to the girlfriend he was missing as a girl who was nicknamed "bee" kind of like the other dude being nicknamed after an animal, snake, like they all have some running inside joke with names and animals.
i am reading into this song all wrong, i'm sure of it, but i don't care because i think my version is cute, okay