The Onion

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Biography

The Onion News Network, encompasing the former separate divisions of the Onion Radio News as well as its video and print divisions, presents a single hard-hitting news story per day, an audio version of the same award-winning coverage The Onion is known for in its print and online versions. Doyle Redland (Recent Onion annual poetry contest winner) is the tough-as-nails anchorman who millions have learned to trust as his soothing voice describes the most crucial happenings of the day. It’s free to download from The Onion.

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Top Tracks

1	New Mommy A Lot Prettier	24
2	Burundi Beef Council: 'Please Send Beef'	16
2	New Crispy Snack Cracker To Ease Crushing Pain Of Modern Life	16
4	Jerry Lewis Undergoes Emergency Gefloigel Surgery	8
5	National Pork Council: Many Americans Suffer From Pork Deficiency	3
6	What Should Have Been Waffles Eaten For Breakfast	2
6	Richard Simmons Fighting For Life In Estrogen Tent	2
6	NASA Is Baffled By The Failure Of Its Straw Shuttle	2
9	Scientists Discover The Gene That Makes You Eat The Whole God Damn Bag Of Chips	1
9	Area Fry-Cook Learns Leaving Restaurant Industry Isn't That Easy	1
9	Pea Farmers Say They Alone Keep Peas From Overrunning Planet	1
9	New Co-Op Airline Offers Cheaper Fares If You Help Fly The Plane	1
9	Urinator Apprehended	1
9	U.N. Factoid-Finding Mission Discovers Liberia Roughly Size Of Tennessee	1
9	Highschool Teacher Constantly Uses Janitor As Example	1