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The AK Forty Sexuals

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Biography

Charleston WV, United States (2005 – 2013)

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Lucas Kesling. Guitar and Vocals: Formerly of Chemical Valley and JPM.
Lucas plays a Flying V named Jet Jaguar, which was crafted with space age materials by the Robot Women of Pluto (when it was still a planet.) Lucas received the guitar when he was studying love abroad in outer space. Jet Jaguar has been deemed the sexiest guitar in the universe, inadvertently making Lucas the Universe’s sexiest guitar player. It was also during his time in outer space that Lucas picked up his vocal style. (Contrary to popular belief, in space they can hear you scream.) Lacking the telepathy of other space dwellers, Lucas had to shout to communicate.

Josh Nibert. Bass and Backing Vocals: Formerly of Couchboy.
Josh is the first practitioner of weaponized bass playing. His low end once became so low that he caused “The Great Bowel Voiding Fiasco of 2006.” In the weeks following the incident, Josh and his bass were dubbed “Weapons of Ass Destruction.” It is now illegal for Josh to be within 200 feet of a Bass guitar, but that doesn’t stop him.

Derek Thomas. Drums: Formerly of the ones that got away.
At one performance, Derek played a drum solo so intense it vaporized his arms and legs. 3 billion dollars later, Derek was seamlessly fitted with cybernetic appendages. For safety, Derek was also fitted with a microchip in his brain that serves as a “Beat Inhibiter.” This causes a slowing of his playing down to beats per minute more feasible to humans. If the chip were to ever fail, his drumming could cause an atomic explosion large enough to destroy the entire fan base of the Twilight Saga.

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