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Teenage Authority


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Teenage Authority started when guitarist/vocalist, Kenneth Bauer, exited his mother’s womb. From day one of existence, Kenneth has made a vow to curse parents and their existence to suck. Born an infant but with a teenage mindset, Kenneth’s first sentence was “Suck my butt.” At age 5, Kenneth met a dude by the name of Griffin Scanlan. This kid shared the same interests as Kenneth, as well as a devoted hatred for parents and all that sucks. Growing up together, these two geniuses created an ultimate band by the name of “Teenage Authority,” with the slogan “Forever Teenagers. Forever suck my butt.” It is only a matter of time that this two-piece band will get picked up by some godly record company, but they will reject it by slapping their butts on the contract. “Teenage Authority has no limits. If we get signed, we succumb to the suck. That’s not going to happen on my watch,” frontman Kenneth Bauer exclaimed. “The industry sucks. The music scene sucks. The only promising thing this world needs is a little teenage aggression,” bassist Griffin Scanlan noted.


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