Written by Paul Draper.
From Stripper Vicar (Three EP)
Released September 1996
The song also appears as a hidden track on Attack of the Grey Lantern in February 1997.
An Open Letter to the Lyrical Trainspotter appears as part of a live medley with “The Chad Who Loved Me” and "Ski Jump Nose" as a B-side to Taxloss in May 1997.
I'm writing these words like the fool that I amTrying to say something
good like the person (I am)But it's all just a sham 'cos the writer I am
notCould say anything, you'd believe themJust your A-typical
Boy-girl-girl-boy androgynousPlay on a publican's decoy'Cos I had to