Journal

  • The Twelve Ways of Christmas Number Ones

    18 Dec 2006, 20:15 by Orange_Anubis

    What makes a great Christmas no.1, eh? Intensive research* has now identified twelve sure fire strategies for that all-important lunchtime performance on BBC1. With all due respect (i.e. none) to fans of Benny Hill's Ernie, The Fastest Milkman In The West, I've only looked at songs that were Christmas number ones while I was alive. Well, I had to draw the line somewhere, and with all that gurning on the horizon it seemed like a good spot.

    Clearly, the more acts that follow the same strategy, the less interesting it becomes, so we'll count down from the most obvious:

    Songs actually about Christmas (Cliff Richard's Mistletoe and Wine & Saviour's Day, Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody, Shakin' Stevens's Merry Christmas Everyone, Johnny Mathis's When A Child Is Born, MUD's Lonely This Christmas) (plus a couple more who appear in more interesting categories further down).

    A drippy ballad, with or without added church bells/sleigh bells/choir (East 17's Stay Another Day with its…