On the Toon in the Toon on the Tyne (3:09)

Cover of On the Edge of Chaos

From On the Edge of Chaos and 1 other release

Title of Work: On the Toon in the Toon on the Tyne
Composer: Douglas Doherty
Date: August 1997
Instrumentation: Tape alone
Duration: 3’00”

“Gannin oot on the toon in the toon” is what many Geordie lads and lasses do every weekend. Literally translated this means “Going out to have a good time with friends in Newcastle”. This is where you find, in the opinion of many eminent and well-qualified judges, the most consistently beautiful girls in the UK, and so say some, in the world. I do not exaggerate, and would certainly not consider myself to be in a position to do anything other than report expert assessment. The other factor that stands out in the minds of many is their consistency of dress. Be it weather in which you might stub yours toes on cannon balls fallen from brass trays or a sultry heat-wave the code is the same: very little. Geordie lasses trekking through snowdrifts clad only in tiny shoes and dresses that have shrunk in the wash (surely no one would sell a dress that small) are a common sight. The male population also has more than its fair share of the body beautiful and bountiful, though it does tend to wear rather more clothes.

After a day out shopping or “doon at the coast”, often with their “mam” for the lasses, and “the lads” for the lads, the evening usually begins with a trip on the Metro, probably the safest and certainly the cleanest such transport system I’ve ever used, leading to a rowdy disembarkation at Earl Grey’s Monument (though tea is not on many people’s mind).


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