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Derek and Clive


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Derek and Clive is a double act of comedic characters created by Dudley Moore (Derek) and Peter Cook (Clive) in the 1970s. The performances were captured on the records Derek and Clive (Live) (1976), Derek and Clive Come Again (1977), and Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam (1978), as well as in a film documentary, Derek and Clive Get the Horn (1979). The characters are foul-mouthed extensions of the earlier characters Pete and Dud.

Considered highly offensive by many at the time, the sketches primarily took the form of bizarre, sometime drunken streams of consciousness led by Cook, with interjections from Moore. Memorable moments from the records include Clive claiming that the worst job he ever had was retrieving lobsters from Jayne Mansfield’s arsehole, Derek claiming his worst job was cleaning up Winston Churchill’s bogies (leading the pair to conclude that the Titanic was one such bogie), Clive claiming that he was sexually aroused by the sight of a deceased Pope lying in state, and a horse-racing ‘commentary’ featuring horses named after sexual organs or their vulgarised derivatives.

Though the recordings were far too crude for television or a mainstream audience, Derek and Clive bootleg recordings circulated. They became famous as mostly unscripted dialogues, vulgar situations depicting with copious swearing - especially the word “cunt”.

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  • Mampato

    I don't quite get why most people quote from Come & Again. It's by far the weakest.

    19 Apr 2013 Reply
  • biglads

    John Stitch, non-stop dancer (unemployed)

    21 Feb 2013 Reply
  • Sooperglitcher

    "I've never been born. I- I- I- I've never been here. & I've got cancer of that too."

    18 Dec 2012 Reply
  • Mampato

    CLIVE: Mianne... She wanted some lip gloss, you know. [...] CLIVE: Anyway, point was, they gave her a cement mixer. She was distraught! So I told her she looked fine with it on. DEREK: Wait a minute, it's all coming back to me! Fred was laying down a patio in the back yard. He was working on it for four hours; he told me he'd been working for four hours. And there was... fucking lip gloss all over the back yard. CLIVE: Shit, obviously there's been that confusion. DEREK: They should fucking label things!

    6 Dec 2012 Reply
  • Atomizer_

    he was a secret bogeyer.

    7 Nov 2012 Reply
  • Sulisk

    Horse Racing so Mega

    24 Oct 2012 Reply
  • lihei

    "My Mum came in my room and sucked my tiny knob...."

    27 May 2012 Reply
  • Howell1236


    19 Apr 2012 Reply
  • clawhammer16oz

    Dear Cunts In Charge Of Religion, your fucking guidebook or whatever the fucking thing is don't half give me the horn.

    18 Jan 2012 Reply
  • D_Robertson

    Anyway, I was wanking away and, frankly, I was going slightly berserk, you know. Clinging onto things, you know... jerking all round the room, pulling down all the furniture and fittings, grabbing hold of the carpet and being sick in the ashtrays...

    5 Nov 2011 Reply
  • IanAR

    aka Derek & Clive and Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

    23 Sep 2011 Reply
  • Mampato

    Forget it, mate! Forget it! Because that's the fucking end of the world!

    9 Jul 2011 Reply
  • AICfreak95

    Her right tit fell off.

    16 Jun 2011 Reply
  • Mampato

    "I'd like to see every endagered species wiped out of the face of the fucking earth."

    19 Apr 2011 Reply
  • aesideusi


    4 Apr 2011 Reply
  • Hepatitis_C

    @cptdeadface are you calling me a cunt, cunt?

    21 Mar 2011 Reply
  • cptdeadface

    Hello! What do mean hello?

    20 Nov 2009 Reply
  • funkytechnician

    fucking genius!

    1 Oct 2009 Reply
  • fazza_92

    you stupid cunts :P

    3 Apr 2009 Reply
  • Jinkyjonk

    Well... you got to get a pretty big one to get it round the end of your nob, coz there cunts, you know like fucking pin heads, you tend to squash em.

    18 Feb 2009 Reply
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