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Derek and Clive is a double act of comedic characters created by Dudley Moore (Derek) and Peter Cook (Clive) in the 1970s. The performances were captured on the records Derek and Clive (Live) (1976), Derek and Clive Come Again (1977), and Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam (1978), as well as in a film documentary, Derek and Clive Get the Horn (1979). The characters are foul-mouthed extensions of the earlier characters Pete and Dud.

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  • Avatar for Mampato
    I don't quite get why most people quote from Come & Again. It's by far the weakest.
  • Avatar for biglads
    John Stitch, non-stop dancer (unemployed)
  • Avatar for Sooperglitcher
    "I've never been born. I- I- I- I've never been here. & I've got cancer of that too."
  • Avatar for Mampato
    CLIVE: Mianne... She wanted some lip gloss, you know. [...] CLIVE: Anyway, point was, they gave her a cement mixer. She was distraught! So I told her she looked fine with it on. DEREK: Wait a minute, it's all coming back to me! Fred was laying down a patio in the back yard. He was working on it for four hours; he told me he'd been working for four hours. And there was... fucking lip gloss all over the back yard. CLIVE: Shit, obviously there's been that confusion. DEREK: They should fucking label things!
  • Avatar for Atomizer_
    he was a secret bogeyer.
  • Avatar for Sulisk
    Horse Racing so Mega
  • Avatar for lihei
    "My Mum came in my room and sucked my tiny knob...."
  • Avatar for Howell1236
    GET OUT THE CAB!!!
  • Avatar for clawhammer16oz
    Dear Cunts In Charge Of Religion, your fucking guidebook or whatever the fucking thing is don't half give me the horn.
  • Avatar for D_Robertson
    Anyway, I was wanking away and, frankly, I was going slightly berserk, you know. Clinging onto things, you know... jerking all round the room, pulling down all the furniture and fittings, grabbing hold of the carpet and being sick in the ashtrays...

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