Bat and Giraffe: The Saga
Bat and Giraffe. The brainchild of the lovable (and well loved!) Chris Connor. A simple yet compelling, three frame cartoon series. Is it mindless violence? Well yes, actually, but thats not the point. It has spurned a phenomenal following (about 5) and even its own dedicated band of abnormally talented individuals, including the now legendary Chris Connor himself
It was in a exceptionally dull Maths lesson, in a highly acclaimed, downtown Trowbridge school. Chris was chewing over the mind boggling riddles laid out before him. After much thought, he decided that the number 7 was not likely to be the probability of finding a free Tony the Tiger toy in a box of Frosties. Putting his brain to a much more relevant task, he started to doodle. From his fiery pen and swift but graceful wrist movements, came first a bat and then a giraffe. and then the bat killed the giraffe in a hilariously simple yet gory manner. And so the unlikely duo were born. This in its own right can quite accurately be described as a miracle. Something supernatural must have been afoot that day. How, for example, did Chris manage to pick up the pen in the first place? It is a well know fact the he is weaker that a JD and Coke from MacDonalds.*
It didnt stop there, however. Oh no. Bat and Giraffe exploded into life and soon there were more cartoons floating around that Chris ex-girlfriends (actually, no, that would be a ridiculous number of cartoons). And thus, as Cher withered, sagged and died, Bat and Giraffe blossomed into a towering foundation of strong roots, upon which grew an epic fantasia of wondrous tales, bringing joy and hope into the otherwise meaningless lives of many. Following this, over the next few months, in a desperate yet courageous attempt to bring Bat and Giraffe to the masses and save the world from spiralling helplessly into an abyss of mundane chaos, Chris created a website to house the cartoons. Although successful, he thought the site bland and boring; just the thing he was trying to prevent. Oh no!
So Chris enlisted the help of a few of his most talented and esteemed friends to create a musical accompaniment for the site the Bat and Giraffe Band! Consisting of Chris, Vezey, Brown, Baldwin and Allen (although he f*cked off to Australia shortly afterwards, so we wont include him), this band changed the course of history, vanquished war forever and let good prevail. And I remember something about a time travelling phone box
Setting up their godly equipment in Toms front room (a Rockwood strat style, a gorilla amp, Chris telecaster type guitar of unknown origin and a mike from Argos), they set about creating their first song. A few beers later it came. Consisting of 3 chords, the song had already overtaken the likes of Ash in complexity. Bat Can Be A Bastard was a shining sign of things to come. And come they did. For great things were in store for the little downtown Trowbridge band. They went on to record a multi-minute long album: the much acclaimed Cardboard Swan, which even had a sleeve! Um, well thats about it really but theyre good Honest.
Simon Vezey, 2001
* If MacDonalds sold alcoholic drinks, they would probably be the weakest alcoholic drinks in the world.
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