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BAD VISION

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Do you want to know a riddle? C’mon, everyone loves a riddle…. What has 18 strings, frenzied jungle-trash rhythms and an acerbic bellyacher who’s writhed his way out of the cutthroat jaws of Beelzebub himself? I won’t give the cinnamon away so soon… No, feel free to stew in the paregoric juices of your minds eye while you strive to comprehend a beast so primitive and dazzling, dangerous and seductive, hackneyed, but still so impudently unprecedented that your pulse will sweat razorblades and your brow will beat the drum of your ego. What? Nothing… Guitar noise raw enough to make you cut your teeth and chew your beer. Drum vibrations that will rearrange your heartbeat backwards. Lascivious vocalizing that will make you wish your ears were between your legs. What? Everything… Give up? I did years ago. You won’t hear it on an indie-mag compilation. You won’t see it on pedestrian tv. You won’t feel it on your sweaty palms. You won’t even taste it for all the mercury. It will find you. It WILL find you. Is it garage? Whatever the fuck that means… Is it punk? Shutup. Is it surf? Don’t make me…. Is it pop? Enough, already. It’s enough for you to dance the hopscotch with your eyes shut; it’s enough for you to punch your best friend before making-out; it’s enough to writhe on the floor in your own emancipated birthday suit; it’s enough to shake off the workaday catatonic stupor with a self-effacing one-armed handstand, legs flailing like jellied antennae.

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