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Achmed the dead terrorist

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Achmed the Dead Terrorist - Jeff Dunham

Achmed is a wisecracking skeleton with a beard and a turban. He is used by Jeff Dunham to perform comedy based on the contemporary issue of terrorism. He is known for yelling, “Silence! I kill you!” to people in the audience who laugh at his customs.

Achmed’s normal routine involves him realizing that he is dead. He looks out into the crowd for his 72 virgins, then asks, “Are you my virgins? I hope not!” When Jeff asks why, Achmed responds, “There’s a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there!”. Jeff replies, “Did they say they would only be female virgins?” Achmed realizes that they did not specify that and says, “Holy crap.” “Wait, I can have Clay Aiken,” Achmed realizes, referring to the popular belief that Aiken is gay (though Aiken has denied this). Achmed may seem like he is Muslim, but he has refuted this claim. When asked, he replies “Look at my ass; it says ‘Made in China’”. Afraid of Walter, with whom he shares a suitcase, he claims that “Saddam’s mustard gas is nothing compared to a Walter fart.”

Achmed is a Suicide Bomber and has received training from the “Suicide Bomber Training Camp.” It used to be a nice facility until a new recruit “tried to practice.” The training camp, he explains, recruits people with a slogan not unlike “We’re looking for a few good men” - “We are looking for some idiots with no future.” A typical place to recruit from is the suicide hotline.

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