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  • Cinnabon is owned by Satan...
  • I like listening to this guy while I'm trying to fall asleep. He never stops being funny.
  • I'l just throw it out, i didn't want an errand for my birthday
  • my hero
  • "We're all a little weird, we like to think theres someone weirder. I'm sure some of you are looking at me going 'At least I'm not as weird as Gaffigan.' And then I'm thinking 'At least I'm not as weird as those people in the looney bin.' And the people in the looney bin are going 'Well, at least I'm an orange.'"
  • the new tour is gonna be epicc
  • You seem like a drunk on the go.
  • And Harvey was gone...
  • Directions for Lean Pockets: remove from box, place directly in toilet
  • I find it strange that his material is on, oh well still funny as fook.

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