Last night's events [slash] How fat was the girl that molested you?

 
  • Re:

    ...

    Edited by JimmyJimJim89 on 6 May 2006, 01:47
  • Re:

    Quoth korovamilkbar8:
    i haven't acided since.. i was 4 years old


    You sir, get a hash brownie.

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 6 May 2006, 03:00
    kid your still 16 the doom of everyday life / the hell of the rat race has not hit you yet wait till the reapers of collage loans and day jobs crush your spirts and tell me if you still wrestel shopping carts in walmart parking lots without l.s.d lalala........sorry i'm kinda drunk maybe even crunk!!!!!!

  • . . . ..Last Night's Events.. . . .

    I haven't taken acid since the womb.
    lol you should def. take acid...

    just in good company and before you graduate college...

    I have a year left to try it then. Nice. I've always wanted to just try it. Once.


    OK I AM REVIVING THIS THREAD (if anyone at anypoint felt we strayedfrom the true topic).

    LAST NIGHT"S EVENTS:

    So, kinda crashed an Electrical Engineering Professor's Party for her students. Left, a beer deep, driving a this kids sick Beamer--he was drunk. Fast as hell. My hallmate Nick drove my car and picked up a case of Sam Adam's Summer Ale. In case any of you were wondering, this Summer Ale stuff is not good beer pong beer. So we play bottle caps until my brother comes with the pong balls. I wip out an old door from my closet and pop its Beerpong cherry. Watched a little Happy Tree Friends. Fun fun, told a kid he wasn't making it out of my building without puking. He made it out with us. We finished the case save 5 beers in about an hour between 5 people - me and the almost-puking kid drinking the most. Not to brag. We headed to this Marguerita party in the basement of this frat house. No cups? We pretty much alined a circle jerk of us 5 guys and another friend (and people joining in at random times) of a little game of Chug and Pass the Pitcher. The party was going nowhere but stale. More alcohol, you say? Yes! We alcoholed the fuck out of the next pitcher. Tequila and, hell, why not some Everclear. A lot of it. We passed that shit around. My friend dared me to chug the last quarter of the pitcher. I did. Good move? We'll find out. In time. So all in all I can recount 3 pitchers. Last thing I remember is slamming my brother with a broom in the ass. And then me finding a bicycle helmet, wearing it, and my brother slamming me with th broom on top of the helmet as I leaned over. I'm pretty sure that helped me blacking out a bit. (This is my real brother, btdubs, not like a frat brother, or my homie or something.)

    Apparently, my friends were giving me a field sobriety test to see if I could make it Downtown for more parties. They told me they said things like "Touch your nose. Touch your Molar, Touch your canine. Ok he's good." "Just no more drinking for you, but you can come." Me: "Ok." They said I was fine and coherent. We go downtown, not much is going on and so we leave. They walk me halfway home. Apparently I told Nick, my hallmate, who had bitched out on going downtown and just went to his room, I told him, "Nick, Nick! I am with girls. I met up with them! They walked me home!"

    True? We'll never know. Nick ran outside but no girls were in sight. So I pass out, I guess. Six oclock in the morning I wake up and see shit on my floor. SHIT ON MY FLOOR.

    Denial: Who the fuck Shit on my floor?! Fuck. Why would someone shit on my floor?

    I finally came to my senses and realized it was me. I guess the fact that there was a shit on my jeans helped. The shit was in two wet piles, right below my desk. In the opposite direction, piss. Wet carpet. Two drops of shit in the hallway. Did I run to the bathroom? Did I think I was in the bathroom, and that I could just shit and piss standing up, without moving? What was the look on my face when I did this? Was I content? Was I all drunk and dazed? These are some of lifes deepest questions.

    I spent from 6am to 7am cleaning it up. And then about another 3 hours when I re-awoke. I was still drunk when I woke up at 1:30pm. Then, Nick's brother picks him up to depart from college. I tell him I shit myself and he shares a joint with me. And then gives me some weed for free.

    Oh, I had to unclog the toilet too, because apparantly bundles of shitty paper towels don't flush down too well. And I think all of our bathroom's plumbing is still fucked up.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
    • mir83nj said...
    • User
    • 7 May 2006, 00:42
    hahaha...wonderful

    I will comment on individual aspects of that story later...

    for now, we have the trailer-trash hookup story i promised earlier...

    now Trey is, how do you say...a round individual.

    he is shortish, big beer belly, skinny little legs, goofy smile on his face at all times. he once played an entire intramural softball game with a hat that had a busch light can hanging on a string off of the brim, because he said it would make him run faster.

    now trey picks up a girl...ok, let's say a female, since she was in her mid-30s...at a bar downtown

    takes her back to his house, where his initially horrified roommates soon realize that this embodiment of the trailer trash stereotype is probably the funniest thing to walk through the door in weeks, quickly grab their video camera and start filming.

    now some background on this female...she is something like 36 years old, has a 13-year-old daughter, and her husband (yes, she is married) is in prison (not sure what for). Yes, she lives in a trailer park.

    after they drink a post-bar beer, she lights a cigarette on the stove (couldn't make this shit up), and they head to his bedroom, where they proceed to have drunken redneck sex, while his roommate films from outside. after a lot of weird bumping and moaning, trey walks out of his bedroom, naked, presumably to take a piss.

    naturally, the piece of trash he left behind yells out to him "hey, get that sweet thing back in here and fuck me!"

    he turns to the camera, gives that goofy ass grin of his, and goes back to his room.

    the video is soon played for the entire fraternity at the next chapter meeting.

    "damn proud."

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
  • HAHAHA. Nice. I would love to see that video. she lights a cigarette on the stove (couldn't make this shit up),

    Hilarious. Simply hilarious.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • Re:

    Quoth commielovechild:
    kid your still 16 the doom of everyday life / the hell of the rat race has not hit you yet wait till the reapers of collage loans and day jobs crush your spirts and tell me if you still wrestel shopping carts in walmart parking lots without l.s.d lalala........sorry i'm kinda drunk maybe even crunk!!!!!!


    Riiiiight-o.

    On a more relative note, the other day my friend got so stoned that he started playing Pokemon on an old Game Boy pocket. At first we were like, "wtf are you thinking?" But then the nostalgia hit us and we joined him... yeah thats right, I said it. We played Pokemon, and my level 100 Snorlax kicked all their asses. What 'cha gonna do 'bout it?

  • All I remember of last night is me shouting "I AM THE GRASS MONSTER!" while doing drunken flips on my friend's front yard throwing handfuls of grass at people. I also remember preforming a lengthy rendition of Mariners Revenge Song.

    England is far too silly a place to be real.
    • mir83nj said...
    • User
    • 7 May 2006, 03:12

    Re:

    Quoth debaser247:
    I also remember preforming a lengthy rendition of Mariners Revenge Song.


    I think that should be a requirement for any drunk person

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
  • "I AM THE GRASS MONSTER!"

    Are you kidding??? How freaking awesome. Come to one of my parties and throw grass. Shit.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • FUCK YOU PEOPLE I AM THE GRASS MONSTER I DON'T NEED TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT

    *grass throwing*

    FUCKING AAAAAAAAAA YYYYYYEAAAAHHHHH PAAAAAArTTTTTT-AAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

    Basically.

    I was at this party during my uh...the end of my freshmen year in high school. I probably had like no place being there, but either way I was just like drinking lightly...I ended up with like 4 drinks down in 20 minutes and hung out for a while and then went home. This one guy, I don't remember his name, he kept just like punching me in the face for absolutely no reason, I had no idea why, I didn't even know the guy. He must have punched me like 10 times, I didn't like expect each one, all of a sudden someone like tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around and FUCK punched in the face.

    That was about the worst story ever. I'm debating whether or not to even post it.

    Hmmmmmmmmmm.

    • mir83nj said...
    • User
    • 7 May 2006, 15:25
    can i punch you in the face?

    please?

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
  • That was kind of a bad story. How hard was this kid punching you in the face? And why didn't you leave after like the 3rd punch? Need some answersssss!

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • lol, i never realized how boring my life actually is

    Living's so pretty, let's do it again
  • I finally came to my senses and realized it was me. I guess the fact that there was a shit on my jeans helped. The shit was in two wet piles, right below my desk. In the opposite direction, piss. Wet carpet. Two drops of shit in the hallway. Did I run to the bathroom? Did I think I was in the bathroom, and that I could just shit and piss standing up, without moving? What was the look on my face when I did this? Was I content? Was I all drunk and dazed? These are some of lifes deepest questions

    Come to one of my parties and throw grass. Shit [on my floors].

    edited for truth

    i laughed so hard at your stroy of you shitting yourself man, how's that minus the bear cd treating you?

    Using my imagination could be great, but if the reality is what im imagining, it's that much better.
  • oh yea, and is that commie guy aware that i'm 17. or that i'm joining the marines, so i'm not worrie about loans or college? no, well get uncrunk and realize.

    Using my imagination could be great, but if the reality is what im imagining, it's that much better.
  • oh and last night, well, two night's ago's events, yestermorning w\e the fuck...

    sorry for the triple post in advance

    story: so the girl across the st sneaks over my house at about 0030h. we'll leave her name out of this. so it starts out how it normally does, making out groping, what not. (no alcohol consumption sorry) now this girl is pretty damn hot, and i still don't know how i scored with her, anyways. she gets all... moody... stops making out. so idk, i'm like fuck this, maybe she isn't worth a shit on the floor. i put a shirt on, i'm giving her all the hints to get the fuck out without directly saying it. she stays. it's like 0230h now. she ends up telling me that she doesn't want me to leave for the marines, that she wants me blah blah really likes me, blah. so anyways, she says "so why don't we enjoy the ride while we can". which was most definitely a hintaroo. so i ask her if she's sure, she never is, she's always upset about something. so after some more bullshit i end up asking her out... completely seriously, and she shoots me down. hard. so i got the fuck up and got on the computer, without saying a word. she didn't say anything for a while, and then i think she realized i was serious (she thought i was joking when i asked her out i guess). either way she started crying. i hate when women cry. so i find out that she was crying because she realized she made "the biggest mistake ever". me: what mistake was that. her: for turning you down when you asked me out omg i hate myself. (she's a damned nut, but once again hot). so she ends up asking me out... and right now i'm still thinking to myself, "crazy crazy, don't do it, she's nuts" and she gets on top of me, i'm on the bed now, and starts whispering "please" into my ear... that tickles. anyways after saying no a few times i finally agreed. she proceded to have her way with me for a while, making out and groping and such, i wasn't going to stop her. she stops to tell me that she wasn't going to let me leave for boot camp without having sex with me. i didn't complain. after some topless making out/nipple sucking she went home at like 0500h. i'm now going out with the crazy/hot girl that lives right across the street. :-/ i'm worried

    Using my imagination could be great, but if the reality is what im imagining, it's that much better.
  • You're going to go off to boot camp and realize that you miss her nuttyness. Then you'll go AWAL, get enloped with her, and move to Toronto. You'll have five kids, two of which will become smack junkies, one will be a pro hockey player, and the other two will be "normal" except for the gay one... And then your wifey will hit menopause, and you'll cry yourself to sleep each night.

    Have a nice life.

  • It's funny. Among my friends I've discovered that we all have drunk alter egos. My friend Nick becomes Gandalf, I guess I'm the grass monster and my friend Joe becomes "naked Joe".

    England is far too silly a place to be real.
  • Korova: Dude, you were pretty much raped, whether you like it or not. hahaha. Girls are nuts sometimes. I love how you're using the "O 100 hours" lingo. haha. Minus the Bear is pretty good. It's one of those bands you have to let "sink in". So I'm giving it time.

    Debaser: Your Grassmonster ego can come and party, but don't bring naked Joe. haha. Unless he's really cool and brings girls.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • Oh funny story. I had a "walk off" with my friend. Bare feet, walk as far as you can on the burning hot black pavement.

    We called it a draw when we made it up this hill, and now I have like 2 big blisters on the bottom of my feet. Fuck I'm stupid.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
    • mir83nj said...
    • User
    • 8 May 2006, 08:07
    <----- sucks at closing the deal

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
  • Korova:

    as a man currently involved with a crazy, maybe-too pretty-for-me girl, i offer this advice:

    be just as crazy as her.

    get everything you can from her before you leave for the marines and the girl scores on everyone in town while you're gone.

    don't spend all your time with the girl instead of your good guy friends before you head off. DON'T BE THAT GUY!


    i had a story to tell about this weekend, but when i reflected upon it, and how it incorporated my brother and i sending banking applications and financial documents to and from our mobile funs through infrared, and my brother's wife getting sick on tequila and throwing up out the car door while driving past cops, i opted against the story.

    sorry for wasting your time. being that my sibling and wife are 30, they might want a more adult level of disclosure.

    ...and I alone stand a chance, but not a second chance
    • mir83nj said...
    • User
    • 8 May 2006, 19:40

    Re: Korova:

    Quoth degraff19er:
    i had a story to tell about this weekend, but when i reflected upon it, and how it incorporated my brother and i sending banking applications and financial documents to and from our mobile funs through infrared, and my brother's wife getting sick on tequila and throwing up out the car door while driving past cops, i opted against the story.

    sorry for wasting your time. being that my sibling and wife are 30, they might want a more adult level of disclosure.


    If you get shitty drunk on tequila and puke in public, the last thing you're worried about is discretion (I believe this was the word you were looking for).

    Tell the story, bitch!

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
  • Ohhhh Mir, you're such a bully.

    Quote of the week, "Look at the funbags on that hose-hound!"

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
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