• For the Love of Your Country

    3 Nov 2006, 00:11 by Lintwurm

    An American of my vague acquaintance has issued a bizarre challenge/thought experiment - define the land that you love (or otherwise) in ten little pop songs. While the world awaits her own effort with baited breath this list is all mine own.

    England Made Me
    (Title half-inched from Luke Haines, who half-inched it from Graham Greene)

    Baby you could be famous
    You could see your marble face all around
    Baby you could be famous
    If you could just get out of this town

    Included for the benefit of Americans and Big Brother contestants. A thousand obnoxious media creatures grew up with this refrain (or something like it) rattling around their empty skulls. They will live long and prosper.

    The Light At The End Of The Tunnel (Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train)
    She stayed with me until,
    She moved to Notting Hill,
    She said it was the place she needs to be,
    Where the cocaine is fair-trade,
    and frequently displayed,
    is the Buena Vista Social Club CD

    Song of the quintessential jilted small town boy. Perfect for anyone who has ever wandered through Hoxton with burning hatred in their eyes.

    Give Me A Riot In The Summertime
    They're wrapping flags around their backs
    And getting into vans

    The perfect soundtrack to rising support for the British National Party. Less discerning individuals prefer Skrewdriver.

    Generals And Majors
    Generals and Majors ah ah
    like never before are tired of being actionless

    Checkout girl or top military brass, everyone likes to feel busy. Fortunately for all concerned this song's complaint is now moot.

    Gift Horse
    They're digging up human remains
    In Notting Hill
    Behind the screens, behind the wall
    In our backgarden

    The second mention for Notting Hill in a less than Richard Curtis context, and a fine reminder that quiet murder spans the class divide like little else.

    Little England
    Father's in the Garden
    He's watering the flowers
    Mother's on the telephone
    She's calling Enoch Powell

    The pop song equivalent of John Osborne's 'God Rot Tunbridge Wells'. Down with the bastard Daily Mail.

    Comedy Time
    Scrape that stupid smile across your face
    It's comedy time

    Original target, the BBC. These days Channel 4 and Endemol make better targets.

    Someday (Soon)
    And someday you'll learn to behave
    Someday will be too late I'm afraid
    'Cause there's no way you're coming home

    A monument to never to be fulfilled good intentions. Think Jimmy Tomorrow in 'The Iceman Cometh'.

    Bad Reputation
    That Gary Glitter
    he's a bad bad man
    Ruining the reputation
    of the Glitter Band

    Giving sympathy to the real victims of the British tabloids' favourite kiddy fiddler, the poor bastards who - once upon a time - played in his band. These are the wretched of the earth, their every step dogged by crude innuendo, their radio play royalties decimated. Brother won't you spare a pound note?

    We Hate the Kids
    Every generation gets fooled again
    And every generation is to blame
    And its no good saying its not in your name
    'cause it is in your name

    Curses the generations old, new and to come. A fine caustic ending.

    That wraps up contemporary England. Other suggestions will be welcomed Some will be considered, some will be ignored. Pitch in and enjoy yourselves.