Scorpio according to uncyclopedia

  • Scorpio according to uncyclopedia

    If you don't know it already, uncyclopedia is a piss take site. This following is taken from here


    24 Octobre - 22 Novembre

    Scorpios are disruptive and cruel - and they like it that way. They spent their childhood pulling the wings off flies and now they feel hampered and restricted because they can't do it as an adult. So they just go out of their way to irritate everyone around them. They like offending people and have no social graces whatsoever. They may well end up being assassinated. They are very argumentative.


    They have lots and lots of really powerful emotions. Ones which would tear us apart. Scorpio instead thrives on them - they are all feelings of murder. Scorpio is a magnet for weak and unstable people. They collect weirdos, oddballs, wackoes and loonies - anyone they can control, torture, inflict pain on and generally abuse.

    If you want a spy or an assassin, or an industrial espionage expert, then get yourself one of these. They won't let you down. They can steal, kill, pillage and all with a smile on their face. They like to be seen as rebellious, debonair and suave. They are simply unpleasant and cruel. Prisons are full of Scorpios. They don't like to be bored. If they are allowed to get bored then they can become quite spiteful. Out of this spitefulness comes a truly unpleasant and sadistic nature that revels in preying on the weak, the vulnerable and the defenceless - they like to inflict pain on helpless little creatures. Unfortunately, that means the rest of us.

    They will dress well and always have exquisitely polished shoes to do their kicking with. They furnish their homes with too much red and black. They like to think this looks contemporary and cool. Instead it looks sinister and macabre. Don't tell them this, they would think that was cool. They are not good team players - too much resentment, and jealousy. Better to let them run their own business, however dubious that may be.

    Scorpio in Love

    Look, I don't want to be unpleasant but Scorpio in love is something I don't want to think about, let alone write about. It is simply too dark, too dirty, too close to the knuckle. They don't have the same respect for the law as the rest of us and will happily commit every sexual taboo going, and a few that haven't been invented yet.

    I'm not sure they are capable of falling in love. Falling in lust, yes, but love? I don't think so. To fall in love you need a heart. They have a lump of ice there instead. Think James Bond here. Would he fall in love? Of course not. He'd have sex and then shoot them. That's the perfect love affair for a Scorpio. Dark, dangerous, mad, and sadistic. If you run into a Scorpio Pirate, with a hook for a hand, be sure he'll still pleasure himself if he has to. With the HOOK!

    As for what goes on in a Scorpio bedroom I don't want to know. You go there but don't tell me.

    Scorpio in Business

    Scorpios are passionate people and like their work to reflect this. If they do have a normal job it will be one where they can work in the background and still be the star - a research scientist or an inventor. Just don't expect them to invent or discover anything that benefits mankind.

    If they have a career, and frankly they would rather inherit their wealth - then they do well in any field that involves secrets - a psychiatrist, a detective (think Sherlock Holmes), or even an undertaker. They do the dark and unsavoury jobs none of the rest of us would want to.

  • ...

    I didn't believe in this astrology stuff before and thought it was nonsense. But nowadays I've been reading some articles about astrology and as a scorpio, I also read about the features of scorpios. The things that written about us are right. (At least they fit in with me)

    A long good night kiss, and now I'm still sleeping.
  • Okey if it wasn't quite clear Uncyclopedia is a piss take site and just warps the truth, whatever the article. From what I know of, Scropios do not spend their childhood pulling the wings off flies and now feel hampered and restricted because they can't do it as an adult. Or at least I don't.

    But with other sites which take the astrology side of things a little more seriously, I know exactly what you mean. When reading what is said for scorpios it is like reading a description of me, which is strange it has to be said. Not only am I the Scorpio personality type, but the coincidences go further. Take the scorpio sign as another example, it looks like a 'm' which just so happens to be the first letter of my name. I’m also studying Psychology at university, which is meant to be one of the career choices of a scorpio, another coincidence...

    I've clearly thought about this way to much :)

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 11 Nov 2007, 12:25
    true, true... it also fits me.

    • c4t2007 said...
    • User
    • 7 Sep 2008, 18:03
    I have 3 Ms in my name. M also stands for murder. ;)

    “Brazil’s cattle industry [...] is responsible for about 80 percent of all deforestation in the Amazon. In fact, the Brazilian cattle industry is the largest single source of deforestation anywhere in the world. And deforestation in turn causes one-fifth of all the greenhouse gas emissions in the world, more than all the world’s cars, trucks, trains, planes, and ships combined.” - Lindsey Allen, 2009. Actually one-tenth.
    Child labour: the tobacco industry's smoking gun
    Up to 90 percent of logging has ties to organized crime in some tropical countries.
  • Almost all of this is true.. This text describes me! :) and i am glad! i am proud that i am SCORPIO!

    unique :)
    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 18 May 2009, 10:13
    Hell yeah, we are cool ;D

  • Take the scorpio sign as another example, it looks like a 'm' which just so happens to be the first letter of my name. [2]

    I'm very interested in psychology and zodiac signs characters...
    And the most of all textes about scorpios are right, because our zodiac sign is the only sign, who has so many characteristics.

    Do you feel also sometimes missunderstood? Some of my ''friends'' couldn't understand me and they say I'm strange, because I'm so mystery and changeable.
    They couldn't understand my thoughts, and that fears them.
    I could tell many stories about ''the scorpio and the others...''.
    I think we are fighters in our live. Some would help us, get addicted of us and are the happiest people alive (maybe a 2nd scorpio? xD) and some leave us, because they don't know us...or couldn't know us... °^°

    • yatto2 said...
    • User
    • 12 Feb 2010, 12:17
    this was entertaining >;D

  • I am proud to be scorpion

  • LOL

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