Noise for Optimal Health

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Created on: 25 Apr 2011
Description:

A group to encourage the listening of noise, industrial, and rock-based noise musical styles for optimal health and vitality.

Noise: the miracle cure for the 21st century! The listening of noise-based musical forms has been linked to many health benefits, including but not limited to the following: improving your sex life, renewed vitality, maximum colon health, reversing the signs of aging and wrinkles, increased self-esteem, and even a cure for depression!*

Klee Irwin: John Waters impersonator, scatological fetishists' rights activist, and discoverer of the link between listening to noise and colon health.

Just hear some of the great things that others have been saying about noise:

"There was something missing but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Desperate for a change, I tried everything: BDSM, call girls, group sex, Thai ladyboys, etc... I still couldn't find what I was looking for. A friend suggested that I give noise a try, and things have never been better! My impotence is gone, I'm having the greatest orgasms of my life, and my entire outlook on life is now one of sunny optimism! Sex hasn't been this exciting since my days as a congressional page! Thank you, noise!"
Waldo P, U.S.A.

"Long gone were my youthful days of vitality, or so I had previously thought. As a man transitioning from middle-age into senior citizenship, I had adopted a sort of fatalism in that I'd sit around in boredom until my death due to the constant fatigue that I was feeling. That all changed when I discovered an article about the benefits of noise that I chanced upon while browsing the internet. After only three months of listening to noise, I feel twenty years younger! I've retired my cane, unplugged my television, and am now looking forward to getting out of bed every day. My hair has even started to grow back! Noise, where have you been all my life?"
Gerd B, Germany

"As a "lifer" when it came to dieting, I knew all of the fads by heart. I also knew that none of them worked, at least not in the long run. They all promise big returns, but you'll only return to being big because those kinds of programs lack long-term sustainability. One day I realized that the flip-flopping of my dieting habits wasn't just limited to my weight, but also represented my life as a whole. What I really needed was something new, something daring, something exciting to pull me out of this funk that my life had become. That's when I decided to try noise. It had always seemed a little extreme before, but where it was once off-putting, it was now exactly the sort of aesthetic transgression that I needed to break me out of my old life. I have now become a much more stable and balanced person, both mentally and physically. My new fulfilling lifestyle now allows me a set of priorities that have ended all of my struggles with both weight and self-image, and I owe it all to my experiences with noise!"
Mildred S, Canada

*For entertainment purposes only. Claims have not been verified by the FDA or any other regulatory agency. Use at your own risk.