How to handle Porn

 
    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 16 Nov 2007, 13:59

    How to handle Porn

    I got the idea for this thread from a friend who has recently been kicked out by his girlfriend because she stumbled upon his porn-collection on the computer. So I guessed this probably is a rather common problem and I should have a thread here to discuss and maybe solve said problem...

    I personally had this problem with my ex-girlfriend. One night we were talking about porn in general when the question came up if I used it, too. I boldly showed her my collection, hoping that she`d understand - after all she had admitted to using explicit pictures as "inspiration", too. But instead of having a good laugh together and maybe even geting some kind of turn-on out of the whole experiment we just got into a heated discussion. I was able to smooth it over in the end but I always wondered if the whole thing could`ve been averted by a sipmle lie.
    Eventually, I guess she would have found it out either way, resolving in another row..

    But enough of me, what about you lot? Are you honest about porn in your relationships?

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 16 Nov 2007, 17:23
    I don't really understand, why women seem to have such big problems with the porn-collections of their boyfriends. It's natural, isn't it? Don't we all do it? And they're just pictures, aren't they?

    Here jumps the question in where the line is between "just imagination & enough as imagination" and "wishing for real". The same problem we have with the "bad-computer-games" where people are being brutally shot, and the question if gamers ever are going to mutate to murdering zombies because of these games...

    I for myself don't really want to know the porn-collection of others (except perhaps if someone'd ask me, if I'd like to have a look. Then it depends on the relation between the two of us). Generally I'd say my imagination is up to me and part of my privacy and the same applies for others. If a relationship is trustful enough privacy can be shared.

    It's naturally too, to keep some privacy to oneself. Finally noone could ever know someone entirely (even one him/herself), because of a lack of communication. Privacy is important for a autonomous life, even in an intimate relationship.

    In our society where sexuality still is a tabu (it's paradox, I know) and where someones career can be ruined by his lovelife, porn is a delicate topic too... Quite a problem.


    And finally I suppose that some women/men are "searching" for hints about the porn of their partners (curiosity maybe) and finally can't bear what they find out. (I don't believe in accidents ;-P)

  • I can understand why women get upset at their man's porno collections. Its jealousy and sometimes a little bit of insecurity. Some of us women just can't stand the fact that our men are looking at other women and getting turned on by them.

    The problem is, most men and women get turned on in 2 totally different ways. Most men are very visual. They need pictures or videos to get them going. That's one of the reasons why women dress up in lingerie and the reason why most porn is geared toward men (It is so hard to find PlayGirl around here!). Women on the other hand are usually mentally and physically stimulated. That explains why a lot of women read those romance novels, or why they need foreplay before having sex.

    As for me, I can be mentally, physically and visually stimulated. I don't own any romance novels, but a few of my books do have a few sections where they describe in great detail about the sex. And yes, it turns me on. I also own a few porn videos that I watch occasionally.

    I am always 100% honest about my porn. Relationships are built on trust. If the person I am with cannot accept my collection of porn, then I don't want to be with them. Sex plays a major role in a relationship and if someone cannot accept what turns me on and what I like, then it will never work.

    Now, let me stress the importance of moderation. If you watch porn all the time, then I can definately understand why a girl would get mad. I've had to deal with this problem before. I had a boyfriend that watched porn and looked at magazines ALL the time. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. But I had another boyfriend that watched porn and looked at magazines, and it never bothered me because he didn't use them everyday. And then there were days we watched them together!

    So be honest.

    Need advice? Got advice? Join the Group Advice Givers! http://www.last.fm/group/Advice+Givers%21
    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 18 Nov 2007, 14:14
    well... if you boys have girlfriends... why do you need porn?

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 19 Nov 2007, 07:20
    good question... lack of imagination I guess. Like Vivacious-Vixen said - guys tend to be very visually stimulated.
    I can understand why women get upset at their man's porno collections. Its jealousy and sometimes a little bit of insecurity. Some of us women just can't stand the fact that our men are looking at other women and getting turned on by them.
    The whole jealousy/insecurity thing is overreacting, though.
    I mean - look at those girls, for christ`s sake! I think kyuhketsuki has got it right - just because I play Quake3 doesn`t make me go postal. Heck it doesn`t even mean I like violence! I couldn`t hurt a fly but yet I like to play this game. Porn is about the same. Guys might watch porn where the girls are all blonde and big-titted but really prefer their women dark and petite. It is not reality! Strangely enough, guys seem to learn this lesson sooner than girls.
    The reasons why I have certain porn are many and complicated. It`s surely not as simple as : "these are the girls of my dreams and if any of them were to come along I`d drop everything and hook up with her". Some of them I wouldn`t even want to kiss. I keep porn because of the one single real-looking picture in a series, because of a scream or moan I like, because of....damn. So many reasons I couldn`t possibly name them all. None of them have anything to do with me wanting to have sex with some actress in perticular. So I guess jealousy really is overreacting.
    I guess I just liked the idea of peeking in on someone while they are having sex - kind of the voyeur approach. I guess this is at least in part an explanation why I need porn - I can`t satisfy my voyeuristic needs by watching my girlfriend having sex with someone else because I don`t know if that would turn me on. And I can`t go round peeking into peoples bedroom windows hoping to catch a glimpse of what they`re doing - that`d be illegal and immoral. After all people deserve their privacy.

    But why do I like the idea of watching someone else having sex? Well, honestly, don`t you? I allways thought that the Kama Sutra is good, but being able to watch it all would be better.

  • I would feel a little awkward watching someone else have sex in front of me. Unless I joined them, but then that wouldn't be watching anymore, that would be a ménage à trois.

    Need advice? Got advice? Join the Group Advice Givers! http://www.last.fm/group/Advice+Givers%21
    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 20 Nov 2007, 13:58
    ...which would again imply that you were turned on by watching them...

  • .....but if I was just sitting there watching them and was not allowed to join, then I would feel more awkward than turned on......

    Need advice? Got advice? Join the Group Advice Givers! http://www.last.fm/group/Advice+Givers%21
  • Hell why does everyone get so hung up about porn. I have to admit I did well freak the first time well a now ex boyfriend showed me some, but after some time and having recovered from our break I kinda decided that it was more down my my or an individuals insecurity rather than the shock horror oh no not porn. At the end of the day it is just a graphic representation of what goes on normally behind closed doors in a relationship. I just think a bit more honestly and chill out goes a long way. Well thats my view now shoot me down cya

    Boo
  • Nothing wrong with porn.

    My wife and I watch it together. It is great fun on an evening in. We don't have any problems with one watching it without the other, but we both prefer it together. Just a lot more fun that way :)

    ..... but we can still be friends.

    Irony.

    Join The Best Group ever!!!
  • Nothing wrong with porn.

    My wife and I watch it together. It is great fun on an evening in. We don't have any problems with one watching it without the other, but we both prefer it together. Just a lot more fun that way :)

    ..... but we can still be friends.

    Irony.

    Join The Best Group ever!!!
  • Hmmmm, that's funny.

    ??

    ..... but we can still be friends.

    Irony.

    Join The Best Group ever!!!
  • This is always going to be a sensitive subject. Women get jealous because sometimes we think the man will become more interested in the women that they see on the porn. I use to have issues like that but eventually got over it. Those women in the porn are somewhat unrealistic. We sometimes think it may even cause our men to cheat. Whereas they maybe in search for someone similar to what they have seen on the videos. It could be true however that is not always the case. For me now i have a problem because when i suggest to my boyfriend lets watch it together and he tells me no. I like the idea of couples watching it together. But i generally just watch it alone i like it better that way its peaceful. If your girlfriend ask you if you watch it i think telling the truth is the best way to go. Chances are she probably has already seen it on your computer etc... so lying makes it worse. Also maybe say "yeah i do and i would like to try something new with you." Don't act ignorant or get worked up over it because that will just make it even worse.

    Edited by ILove-IceCube on 21 Nov 2012, 20:53
  • .

Anonymous users may not post messages. Please log in or create an account to post in the forums.