♥Pisstania♥♫♬

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Leaders: CGholy and jerkjones
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Created on: 22 Jun 2011
Description:
Disclaimer: this is not an anti new Tristania group, this a small altar for the wonders of Tristania.

♬♫♥ριѕѕтαиια♥♫♬
We love Mariangela Demurtas, Kjetil Nordhus. Anders, Høyvik Hidle. Gyri Smørdal Losnegaard, Ole Vistnesl, Einar Moen and Tarald Lie Jr. who together create the exceptional Symphonic Death Pop Metalcore/Tropical Parody Metal band, Pisstania.



The Epic History of Pisstania

PROLOGUE

The first incarnation of Pisstania was founded in 1497, when Christopher Columbus became bored upon his return to the Old World, and decided to form a band, a band that would revolutionize music as we know it. Upon returning to Europe, Chris (as he liked his friends to call him) realized that all of the music back in the homeland was fucking garbage, and so he resolved to revolutionize the entire industry. He used the shocking ideas that he nobly stole from the Native Americans, and those were adopted into his new supergroup, Pisstania. Using the Native Americans' time machine technology, he went throughout history and took the greatest musicians, performers, and all-around badasses of all time. The following is the composition of Chris Columbus' dream team (in no particular order).

1. Bruce Willis
2. Mozart
3. Mariangela "Steve" Demurtas (aka Pirate Hooker)
4. The faceless stooges who are mean mugging you in every promotional photograph
5. The less attractive female
6. Marcelo Cabuli
7. Alexander Rybak
8. Sugababes
9. Eddie Murphy
10. Einar Moen
11. Ole Vistnes
12. Kjetil Nordhus
13. Tarald Lie Jr.
14. Abraham Lincoln
15. Jerry Lewis
16. Samuel L. Jackson
17. Mary Tyler Moore
18. Adam West
19. Kiefer Sutherland
20. The guy who played Screech
21. Parker Lewis
22. Peter Griffin
23. Bender
24. Joe Montana
25. Plato
26. Jesus Christ
27. Abraham
28. Babe Ruth
29. Manny Pacquiao
30. Ichiro Suzuki
31. King_Michael
32. Heilig_Zorn
33. Sterling Archer
34. himself
35. Vasco De Gama
36. Ferdinand Magellan
37. Lewis
38. Clark
39. Shepard
40. Schala
41. Queen Victoria
42. Anne Boleyn
43. Pope John Paul II
44. Rasputin
45. Wladyslaw Raginis
46. Leonidas
47. Xerxes
48. Genghis Khan
49. Ferris Bueller
50. Charles Darwin
51. Adam
52. Julius Caesar
53. Nero
54. Alexander the Great
55. Albert Einstein
56. Pocahontas
57. Gandhi
58. Mike Tyson
59. Nostradamus
60. Tom Cruise
61. Logan
62. MacGyver
63. William Adama
64. Ken Griffey, Jr.
65. Ray Bradbury
66. Woodrow Wilson
67. River Phoenix
68. Tom Hanks
69. Bruce Lee
70. Jackie Chan
71. C. Thomas Howell
72. Free Willy
73. John Williams
74. Jimi Hendrix
75. Macho Man Randy Savage
76. Karen O
77. Steven Seagal
78. Barry White
79. Tiger Woods
80. Lena
81. All members of Immediate Music and X-Ray Dog
82. Jack Wall
83. Keanu Reeves
84. Josh Brolin
85. Jeff Bridges
86. John Wayne
87. Ennio Morricone
88. RoboCop
89. Thomas F. Wilson
90. The Unknown Soldier
91. Heidi Range
92. Siobhan Donaghy
93. Seal
94. Charlie Simpson
95. Nicola Roberts
(more to be transcribed)





With this team, Chris put together the greatest band known to man. Not only did they put together the greatest music in the history of the world, their music was so amazing, that it completely destroyed the world, and its members were randomly distributed throughout history in the resulting cataclysm. Now, in the distant future, their music has been composed again by the few members that managed to arrive unharmed in this era.








THE PISSTANIA CHRONICLES

CHAPTER THE FIRST
PISSTANIA: THE FORMATION OF LEGENDS (1497)


Christopher Columbus (AKA C.C. to his friends, some people called him Colombo, some called him Larry) was supposed to return to his homeland a hero. He had done what many thought impossible: traverse the Atlantic Ocean and discover the strange, horrifying, and surprisingly boring lands beyond. While his return was lauded in some small circles, he was mostly ignored. Even when he revealed his amazing discoveries, stolen from the freshly slain natives, they simply laughed and went on their way. But Larry would not be ignored. He vowed that he would change the world, and for the better. While sitting around listening to some good old gregorian chants, he realized to his horror that they fucking sucked. Things needed to change, and being a huge music fan himself, Christopher Larry Columbus decided that he would become the face and name of symphonic death pop metalcore, the most legendary genre of music in world history.

But where to begin? Larry had no musical knowledge base, but he knew how to get it. In the giant piles of crap he had pilfered from the Native Americans, there were two key things that would help him out.

First, THE KNOWLEDGE DEVICE. The Natives had unwittingly stumbled into a giant pile of seemingly-alien technology (actually developed by Marcelo Cabuli, who had forgotten about it when he decided to beat up 37,000 Frenchmen instead), and had discovered that it had the ability to bestow any knowledge of anything, to anyone, at any time. So, with a click of a button, Steve became the greatest music expert in world history, capable of playing guitar, sitar, violin, keyboard, keytar, drums, banjo, flute, jazz flute, trumpet, and tuba, all at once.

Second, THE TIME MACHINE. It is still unknown how the Natives came upon the Time Machine, but now it belonged to Christopher Larry Columbus Jr., The Greatest Musical Expert In World History. And he knew exactly what had to be done. He would travel throughout history and gather the greatest people ever to exist, and would form the most amazing band known to man. AND IT WOULD BE CALLED PISSTANIA.

To help him, he contacted his three best friends of the era: Tarald "Terry" Lie Jr., Anders "Andy" Høyvik Hidle, and Kjetil "Tim" Nordhus. Together, they began their mission through time.

Seven seconds later, they returned. And when the 100 greatest people in human history stepped forth from the Time Machine, the world was changed forever.

Now, they just needed a lead singer.

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