Chargement du lecteur...


As your browser speaks English, would you like to change your language to English? Or see other languages.


Laisser un commentaire. Connectez-vous à ou inscrivez-vous.

  • Next time my boat capsizes I am reaching for a Lime!
  • I'm gonna go shave, too.
  • “I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals. She was saying, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Thank God the flower can’t talk, what would it say? “Fuck, that hurts! Fuck, that hurts as well. Fuck! Leave me alone! I’m no longer pretty. And he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals.”
  • Saved by the buoyancy of citrus
  • Sir, you have one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Don't decorate it!
  • Every time I see a broken escalator I think of him and get rather happy then rather sad.
  • That'd be funny if you were a drummer, and you grabbed two magical wands instead of drumsticks. Be pounding out the beat "1-2-3-4 Oh shit, my bass player's now a can of soup... Sorry Rick, I mean Cream of Mushroom!
  • Music tagged “a guy who likes to boat”
  • I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut... I don't need a receipt for the donut! I give you money and you give me the donut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend? "Don't even act like I didn't get that donut, I've got the documentation right here!"
  • An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an ''Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order'' sign, just ''Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the CONVENIENCE!”
  • We've gotta keep kids off the canal
  • Pancakes; all exciting at first, but by the end you’re fucking sick of ‘em
  • I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait!"
  • Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
  • I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you the money and then you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.
  • absolute legend
  • I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to too.
  • lol stoner humor
  • Oh man, he was really funny.
  • give us a call at 1-800-I-LOVE-BRAND-NEW-CARPET
  • sorry for the convenience*
  • Escalators can never break. They can only become stairs. You will never see a sign that says "Escalators now stairs. Sorry for the inconvenience." <3
  • @ShaneSpear: I dont think so, i like listening to Mitch.
  • Mitch All Together is the Abbey Road of comedy albums.
  • >seriousness
  • I love his flow of jokes, his delivery was as funny as the material most the time
  • In all seriously, he was one of the greatest comedians in history.
  • "I was in a convenience store reading a magazine and the clerk came up to me and said "This is not a library". so I said, "Alright, I will talk louder then!""
  • Batteries make shit seem substantial. If you take the batteries out of a radio its like "This thing is a piece of shit actually." Then you put the batteries back in its like OH YEAA
  • Love you Mitch <3
  • Who the fuck makes their plants hard to reach??
  • Will always be missed! Long live Hedberg!
  • thanks snake-haired bitch
  • You got any directions for those who are walking?
  • Happy birthday, Mitch. RIP
  • what the fuck is a SESAME
  • This is dry-clean only. IT'S DIRTY.
  • WHY MITCH?! I loved you so! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE ON MY BIRTHDAY?! Worst. Gift. Ever. :(
  • Miss him so so so much.
  • "I want to get a map of the world on my wall and put pins in it to show where I've been. But first I need to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it doesn't fall down."
  • This payment must be made in WAMPUM!
  • A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
  • why the fuck did he have to die
  • You can write that down and put a dash in front of it, and put my name at the bottom. Because all I want to be is dashed. - Mitch Hedberg.
  • Saved my cubicle-shriveled soul!
  • Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at? :) Legend.
  • snake eyes
  • How do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for 'em!


API Calls