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Tell us your best joke

  • Heard this one recently:

    Back in the Ol' West, a certain lady needed a ride, and the only person available was an Indian. She climbed up behind him, and off they rode at a brisk gallop. Soon they came upon a large hill, the lady started to fall off so she reached around the Indian's waist and grabbed the saddle horn, the Indian shouted "HIEHIEHIEHIE!" A bit later going down the other side of the large hill, she started to slip again, grabbing the saddle horn, and again the Indian hollered "HIEHIEHIEHIE!" A bit later, at break-neck speed they headed around a large bend, and the lady began to fall off the side of the horse, and yet again, she grabbed the saddle horn to brace herself and held on for dear life, gripping the saddle horn with all the power she could muster, the Indian, yet again screamed "HIEHIEHIEHIEHIE!" But soon they came upon the lady's destination, and the Indian let her off, she thanked him and off she went. She thought the Indian's behavior was quite odd, so she asked the local sheriff, "this nice Indian gave me a ride to town but the strangest thing happened every time I grabbed the saddle horn, he'd holler, "HIEHIEHIEHIE!", do you think it was an Indian war-cry?" The sheriff retorted, "Ma'am, Indians ride bareback...."

    "Noise is relative to the silence preceding it. The more absolute the hush, the more shocking the thunderclap." - V
  • A Jamaican man and his buddy were working at a construction site. The Jamaican man, working on the second floor, realized that he needed a handsaw. So the Jamaican man yelled to his buddy on the first floor, but it was too noisy the man on the first floor couldn't hear a thing.

    So the Jamaican man, using hand signals, points to his eyes, then knees and then makes the motion of a handsaw.

    His buddy below drops his pants and starts masturbating.

    Furious and confused, the Jamaican man goes down to the first floor and asks his buddy, "What the fuck you doing man?...I asked for a handsaw!!!!!!!!"

    His buddy replies, "I know man...I said I was coming"

  • Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inn keeper three nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

    Okay I know that one is really offensive, but I heard it from The Crow.

  • Knock knock.

    Who's there?



    • oliskye said...
    • User
    • 9 Sep 2011, 15:31
    q : What fruit comes in two?
    a : Pears

    kolotipikukalatiminu baa baaaaa walatiminungkadabungbangbung

    • Kennoth said...
    • User
    • 15 Sep 2011, 14:13
    What's small, green and in the corner of my room?
    It's my negro and I can paint it in any way I want!

    A Chernobyl survivor is said to have a radiating smile.

    Q: What does WIFE stand for?
    A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc.

  • Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

    If my thought-dreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine.

  • ok the 1st few pages were hilarious but i had to stop reading by page 10 because all the jokes were gone and just a bunch of kids were bitching at each other

    anyways why are black people so tall?

    because their knee grows!

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 16 Sep 2011, 06:24
    The perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets.

    Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on.


    The Ireland Outdoors Games are being held oudoors this year for the first time, since it's rained for the last 15 years and has had to be held indoors. ...

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 16 Sep 2011, 09:12
    This next one is a bit rough... you've been warned :P


    A vampire enters a bar and says to the proprieter "Can I have a cup of hot water please?"

    Surprised, the barman gets him what he asked and leaves him alone. A few minutes later however his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says "I hope you don't mind me asking but, i'm surprised that you didn't ask for blood, why did you want a cup of hot water?"

    The vampire then takes a used tampon out of his pocket and says "i'm making tea".

  • When did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
    Because he ran out of juice!

  • How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side.

    If my thought-dreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine.

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 21 Oct 2011, 03:35
    "Colonel Gadaffi Dead? Evidently he didn't take too well to the news of Westlife breaking up"

    Saddam, then Bin Laden, and now Gaddafi. Now we just need to find the other four of George Bush's Horcruxes.

    • Mezori said...
    • User
    • 21 Oct 2011, 09:55
    Dad : i want you to marry the girl of my choice
    Son : No
    Dad : The girl is Bill Gates daughter
    Son : Ok then
    *Dad goes to Bill Gates*
    Dad : i want your daughter to marry my Son
    Bill Gates : No
    Dad : My son is the CEO of World Bank
    Bill Gates : Then okay
    *Dad goes to the president of world bank*
    Dad : Appoint my son as CEO
    President : no
    Dad : He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates
    President : okay then

    business in the 21th century

    not sure if lame though

    • Bloopy said...
    • Forum Moderator
    • 3 Nov 2011, 00:50
    Every night, Sanjay the wife-beating Indian punches his wife at 7.30pm... on the dot.

    Why did the cannibal get fired from his job at the biscuit factory?
    He was caught eating the crackas in the boardroom.

  • A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for a**l sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

    The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

    She said that she did.

    He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no.

    The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice a**l sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified.

    She asked, "You can get pregnant from a**l sex?"

    The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think LAWYERS come from?"

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 4 Dec 2011, 22:35
    Read a terrible joke about thatcher in the Andytown news:

    A new film about the life Margaret Thatcher has been rated 12A.

    Apparently it's not suitable for miners.

    *Badabum, tish*

    • Kennoth said...
    • User
    • 5 Dec 2011, 00:12
    What's the difference between a black guy and a couch?
    A couch can support a family.

    The team England visited an orphanage in Cape Town during Word Cup 2010. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jamal, aged six.

  • Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do.
    Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM
    Plato: *high fives Socrates*

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 7 Dec 2011, 14:23
    What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a baby?

    Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 7 Dec 2011, 14:24
    DaddyPobbin said:
    Read a terrible joke about thatcher in the Andytown news:

    A new film about the life Margaret Thatcher has been rated 12A.

    Apparently it's not suitable for miners.

    *Badabum, tish*

  • wanderlustatul said:
    Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

    that's not a joke... it's a real fact actually :))

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 12 Feb 2012, 20:24
    Justin Bieber.

    • [Deleted user] said...
    • User
    • 12 Apr 2012, 05:09
    You're all lards.

  • Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?

    She needs the other to moan.


    Leave my a's alone.
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