Lana Del Rey Ruby Lounge
Friday 4 November 2011

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Lana Del Rey

Past event
Friday 4 November 2011
Nov 4

Ruby Lounge

28-34 High Street
Manchester M4 1QB
United Kingdom
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Tel: +44-(0)161-8341392
Web: www.therubylounge.org

Mr Jay Taylor.

On the 4th day of November, your Ruby-hued venue plays host & bellows to an up-gust in a conflagration of the fates - One of the most significant, potentially Century-defining moments of it’s short, but already illustrious lifespan. The Mancunian debut of one Elizabeth Grant (a. k.a. Lana Del Rey), has potentially wide-reaching consequences for, not only music; but popular culture at large, art, feminism, dare I say it - even our very children?

I was initially nonplussed by the ‘phenomenon’ of the aforementioned person(s). Her incendiary debut, while a mildly diverting, admittedly affecting piece of pop-music was sha-boobled through a mouth so potentially measured & precise in it’s laconic offering of time-worn lugubriosity - that I was galvanised in a steely resolve to resist her harp-strings’ assault on my finger-gunk encrusted heartstrings.

Still, I must admit there is something beguiling about the girl…More fascinating still, is the clandestine but unarguable backstage machinations. The manoeuvres of certain ‘shady-agents’ if-you-will.

It is not, I assure you, my aim or intent to smite, slander or sully her already Punch Drunk reputation in the ‘Indie’ community - but rather to encapsulate a blisteringly significant moment in time.

Is she Betty, frigging herself red-raw on an acne’d couch? Or Camilla ‘THIS IS THE GIRL’ Rhodes? These duplicitous ripples are what I want, nay, NEED to witness. It is of utmost importance that I be party to the events that transpire tomorrow night.

I believe your guestlist to be already swollen to haemorrhage with curious onlookers. But should one of their number be unable to attend, I implore you draft me-in in their stead.

I’m a cantankerous bastard. A foul-mouthed and malodorous hobo. But one thing on which I pride myself, is a highly attuned Justice-Button. My ultimate aim is righteousness, and if the word of a stranger has any worth - I offer it unreservedly. Further to that word, I swear that the architects of my ethics forbid me from misplacing any faith you might deign to reciprocate.

Sincerely,

Chester Whelks
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  • ChesterWhelks

    GET ME IN THIS BITCH! (The venue, not Lana.)

    November 2011
  • ChesterWhelks

    UN-CANCELLED!

    November 2011
  • ChesterWhelks

    CANCELLED.

    November 2011
  • ChesterWhelks

    It is of the utmost importance that I be granted access to this event. If anyone can act as benefactor, and slip me inside the Ruby Lounge as officiously as an envelope in a pinstripe Jacket's inside pocket - I promise to write the only truly culturally aware, implication-dissecting piece of journalism to emerge from this auspicious occasion.

    November 2011
  • joewilson1989

    Long shot but if anyone has two spare tickets, get in touch with me.

    November 2011
  • stephenreilly

    The iCal entry for this shows up as 23.00 on Thursday 3rd.

    October 2011
  • hyperballadbrad

    Bloody hell, didn't even know she was on the road :(

    October 2011
  • andrewjonesdev

    I see tickets are now on ebay for £40 each. Unbelieveable.

    October 2011
  • Tamahone

    Oh and I will pay generously/give gratutious sexual favours to anyone who can throw a spare in my direction.

    October 2011
  • Tamahone

    Damn, didn't think a UK tour would be coming up so soon. Does anyone know if tickets are completely sold out or if its just presale? Don't want the hassle of sorting out guest list.

    October 2011
  • o-ess

    dear god if anyone has a spare let me know

    October 2011
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