"This is breaking news
It appears that Air Force One was shot down
Somewhere over the Middle East this morning
By a sleeper cell of rogue terrorists firing a Stinger Missile
The Pilot and all passengers are unaccounted for
The President's whereabouts are presently unknown and he is presumed missing
The Vice President, Secretary of State, and principals of the military are assembling
Our nation stands at DEFCON 3" <-- nothing about that makes any fucking sense.